Tuesday, October 25, 2011

A survey was taken to find out why guys love oral s*x so much... ************************************************************************** 3% said the warmth. 4% said the sensation. 93% said the silence.


A survey was taken to find out why guys love oral s*x so much... ************************************************************************** 3% said the warmth. 4% said the sensation. 93% said the silence.


Teacher: John, why are you so late ? John: I was throwing stones into the river. Teacher:Okaay, well take your seat. Teacher:Bob, why are you also late ? Bob: i was also throwing stones into the river. Teacher: gr, well, sit down. New Boy walks in ; Teacher: oh so you`re our new student. whats your name? and why are you all wet? New boy: My name is Stones. Teacher: oh.. LIKE IF YOU GET IT.


Girl: hi baby :* Boy: hii sweet heart...(sending failed) Girl: Are you there?? :( Boy: yes yes..I'm here...(sending failed) Girl: are you ignoring me or what?? :X Boy: honey I'm not..i m right here..(sending failed) Girl: Its over.. don't you ever talk to me again !! :@ Boy: Damn ! go to hell.. :@ (message send) :O :O :P


Saturday, October 22, 2011

Bf: Hey, I`m sorry. This won`t work anymore. I`m cheating on you, and the other girl is definitely the one for me.. Gf: WHAT? Bf: Oh hey babe. Sorry wrong number :) Gf: Ohhh . Ok :) See you later! Bf: :) Gf: WAIT A MINUTE!!!!


Girl at 5 years of age: Daddy, can i go to Maddy`s party? (: dad: sure, sweety. Girl at 13 years of age: Dad, can i go to the park with some friends? Dad: okay, but stay off the road, you hear me? Girl at 16 years of age: dad, can i please go to the movies with my boyfriend. Dad: I think i should come. Girl: .... -.-


As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I`m going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman." She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?" A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".


Not all guys want s*x, because some of us want a relationship. Not all guys like Black Ops, because loving you is more fun. Not all men will hurt you, because some men are decent people. Not all men will abuse you, because some men like to see you smile. However, all those guys are gay.


Sunday, October 2, 2011

A girl dropped her pencil while sitting next to her bf... She glanced at his phone while he was texting a message that said "I love you"... The girl jumped up and called him every name she could think of and left the room... The message was to his mother! She didn`t listen and left him... He killed himself because she left him... She killed herself because he killed himself... Moral of the story: Don`t drop you pencil! :P


I just had an argument with a girl I know. She was saying how that it`s unfair that if a guy f*cks a different girl every week, he`s a legend, but if a girl f*cks just two guys in a year, she`s a s | u t.So in response I told her that if a key opens lots of locks, then it`s a master key. But if a lock is opened by lots of keys, then it`s a sh|tty lock.That shut her up..


Boy: Do you know what? Girl: What? Boy: The principal is a fool! Girl: Do you know me? Boy: No! Girl: I am the principle`s daughter! Boy: Do u know me? Girl: No! Boy: *sigh of relief* Thank God!!!


A mom was pregnant with triplets, one day somebody shot her in the stomache 3 times, 12 years later one of the kids say "mom mom i just pee`d out a bullet". the second kid says "mom mom i just puked up a bullet". the third kid say "mom mom" the mom says did you pee or puke out a bullet? the kid says "no i was jacking off and i shot the dog" .. o_O


10 Things a Girl needs - 1. Touch her waist. 2. Actually talk to her. 3. Share secrets with her. 4. Give her 1 of your sweatshirts 5. Kiss her slowly. Are you remembering this? 6. Hug her. 7. Hold her. 8. Laugh with her. 9. Invite her everywhere. 10. Hangout with her and your friends...!


10 Things a Girl needs - 1. Touch her waist. 2. Actually talk to her. 3. Share secrets with her. 4. Give her 1 of your sweatshirts 5. Kiss her slowly. Are you remembering this? 6. Hug her. 7. Hold her. 8. Laugh with her. 9. Invite her everywhere. 10. Hangout with her and your friends...!


A little kid walks into a city bus and sits right behind the driver and starts yelling, "If my dad was a bull and my mom a cow I`d be a little bull." The driver starts getting mad at the noisy kid, who continues with, "If my dad was an elephant and my mom a girl elephant I would be a little elephant." The kid goes on with several animals until the bus driver gets angry and yells at the kid, "What if your dad was gay and your mom was a prostitute?!" The kid smiles and says, "I would be a bus driver!" :P


A man is in a hotel lobby. As he runs to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman and as he does, his elbow hits her brea$t. They are both quite startled. The man turns to her and says, "Ma`am, if your heart is as soft as your brea$t, I know you`ll forgive me." She replies, "If your peni$ is as hard as your elbow, I`m in room 243."


Dear gay men,............. Please stop being so much kinder, funnier, and more attractive than straight men. It`s quite depressing. Sincerely, all single women.