Too often we don`t realize what we have until it`s gone. Too often we`re too stubborn to say, “Sorry, I was wrong.” Too often it seems we hurt the ones closest to our hearts, and we let the most foolish things tear us apart.

HERE I AM...STRONG I STAND...TAKIN NO SHIT...INTIMIDATED BY NO BITCH...LAUGHING AT DUMB HOES...LETING DUMB SHIT GO...SCREAMIN FUCK THE WORLD...LEARNING WHO MY REAL FRIENDS ARE...KEEPING FAKE BITCHES VERY FAR...REALIZING MY PURPOSE ON THIS EARTH...N WARNIN.

A couple get a divorce and negotiate custody of their children in court. the wife claims "the children are mine. i carried them for nine months and spent hours in labor birthing them! he didnt do anything".. after this the judge asks for the husbands defense and he replies; "your honor, if you put a dollar in a coke machine and a soda pops out, does the soda belong to you or the machine?" This shut her up..!!

In a grade 3 class the teacher asks a question. Teacher: Wht do u call a person who keeps on talkin whn other people are no longer intrested? Student:- a teacher. Teacher - ......... :(

Like if you have done any of these... - accidently called your teacher Mum/Dad. - made Barbie and Ken have sex. - climbed a tree and been unable to get back down without help. - made a promise you couldn`t keep. - laughed at a really inappropriate moment. - bought an item of clothing that you`ve never worn. - accidently called your teacher Mum/Dad. - lied to someone so they don`t get hurt. - been in love..

What`s a burnt pizza, a frozen beer and a pregnant girl all got in common? All the senarios involve a dumbass who didnt take it out in time...

*Who`s Guilty Here?* A wife is dreaming in bed, she suddenly wakes up and shouts, "Quick! My husband is home!" Her husband wakes up and jumps out of the window...

A teenage gets a packet at home. The father watches him/her open it: Teen: Yes! I`ve been waiting for this forever! Father: ? There is only bubble wrap in there, but nothing else. Teen: Exactly, what do you think I ordered? (Starts popping it.)

Boy:*kneels down on one knee* girl:w-what are y-you doing *blushes like crazy* boy:*looks up nd smiles* Ive been wanting to do this for a long time girl:*blushes more* boy:*ties shoe* EPIC FAIL... xD

Boy: Do you know what? Girl: What? Boy: The principal is a fool! Girl: Do you know me? Boy: No! Girl: I am the principle`s daughter! Boy: Do u know me? Girl: No! Boy: *sigh of relief* Thank God!!!

I got a card today saying "Happy Valentine`s Day love, from you know who". Why the f*ck is Lord Voldemort sending me letters?

"Today, my girlfriend finally got a Facebook account. Too bad she doesn`t know the difference between a wall post and a message. She just described how much she enjoyed our sex last night, in great detail. My mom liked it."

twelve signs your falling in love, 1. you`ll read his/her texts over and over again. 2. you`ll walk really really slow while you`re with him/her. 3. you`ll pretend to be shy whenever you`re with him/her. 4. while thinking about him/her your heart will beat faster and faster. 5. by listening to his/her voice you`ll smile for no reason. 6. while looking at him/her you cant see the other people around you, you can only see him/her. 7. you`ll start listening to SLOW songs. 8. he/she becomes all you think about. 9. you`ll get high just by their smell. 10. you`ll realize that; you`re always smiling to yourself; when you think about him/her. 11. you`ll do anything for him/her 12. while reading this/her, there was one person on your mind the whole time..

That guy that . . . 1. Makes you fall asleep thinking about him 2. Makes you smile like crazy 3. Makes you feel beautiful 4. Would rather you act yourself than someone you aren`t 5. Makes you laugh even when no one else can`t 6. Makes you smile when he sings songs in class 7. Says he doesn`t like you, but you think he really does like you 8. Will text you first 9. Likes the same things as you 10. You`re going to miss this summer Don`t you just love him?? Like if you just thought of him .

BOY: you know, you are A B C D E F G H I J K? GIRL: what does it mean? BOY: Attractive, Brilliant, Cute, Dazzling, Elegant, Funny, Gorgeous, Hot! GIRL: so sweet! how about I J K? BOY: I`m Just Kidding! GIRL: ………

girl:"hey bro this is my bf." brother:"cool hey dude come here for a sec." bf:"ok???" brother:"if you break my sisters heart just remember im not afraid to go back to jail." (:

100 Friends - Thats ok. 200 Friends - Eh, Your getting there. 300 Friends - Good amount. 400 Friends - Sorta popular. 500 Friends - Your well known. 600 Friends - Your a sl*t. 700 Friends - Big sl*t. 800 Friends - You dont even know half of them. 900 Friends - Nerd. 1000 Friends - Facebook is your life.

Teacher : whoever answers my next question, can go home. * one boy throws his bag out the window* Teacher : who just threw that?! Boy : Me! I`m going home now.

A man had a terrible road accident. His wife was called to the hospital. The Surgeon said his brain is permanently damaged there is nothing we can do. However we can put a new donor brain in if you are willing to pay. She said what would it cost? He said well it depned what you choose. We have a Policeman brain for £500. An accountants brain for £1000. Or we have a McDonald managers brain for £2000!! She said why does the Mc Donald Managers brain cost so much? The Surgeon said ` Well its like new, never been used!!!

3 things you wil never hear a man say: 1. I Understand 2. There`s too much nudity in this film 3. For F*ck Sake, put some panties on woman! ^He`ll say #3 if she`s REALLY fat.

i find it adorable when guys; - make stupid faces. - say “aww”. - ask how your day was. - dance ridiculously. - lick their lips. - get frustrated. - laugh - sing to you. - bite their lower lip. - make that sexy `half smirk`. - have proper grammar. - tease me a little.

LIKE if you know someone who needs a smack in the face with a shovel.

like if you know someone who need a smack of shovel on their face.

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Teacher: Okay so a+n*g-r=78, is everyone okay with that? Pupil 1: Miss i dont get it can you come and explain it please Teacher: Okay *takes half an hour explaining it*, so do u understand it now Pupil 1: Yes thanks Pupil 2 to Pupil 1: Do u get it now? Pupil 1 to Pupil 2: No.... :/ Pupil 2 to Pupil 1: Me niether.... :/ Like if this has ever happened to you :L

my friend`s boyfriend broke up with her through Facebook. she sent me the chat convo. :) Chris: I don`t think it`s working out. I really just wanna be friends.. Kelly: Wow. Chris: ...? Kelly: I just thought you were different. Chris: I`m sorry. We can still be friends. Kelly: I don`t want to be friends. It would be too hard for me. Chris: So i guess this is goodbye? :/ Kelly: Yes. But before I log out, can i ask you one thing? Chris: yeah.. Kelly: Teach me how to jerk. Chris: haha, um i don`t know how. Kelly: Oh.. Well you certainly know how to act like one. :) (Kelly is offline) :) i love this.

Greatest Advice Ever; Your only a teenager. you`re not married yet so go with the flow, laugh tons use manners and try something new. Will you just kiss him already? Trust your feelings spend your cash, introduce yourself, take a chance, study hard, seek happiness and regret nothing. Don`t laugh at people`s dreams, make a wish on 11:11, challenge yourself, take pictures and appreciate the memories. You should take time to dance in your underwear and learn from the past. Play dress up. Have the time of your life

Dear Son, We know when You are watching P0rn. You think That we havent seen you Looking at the Laptop screen with a very happy Face while your Slowly Putting your hand under your Trousers. Sincerely, Your Parents!

things boys should know about girls. 1. When Girls look at your Mouth they want to you Kiss Them. 2. When They say we`re fine, They`re really not. 3. When They say They`re cold They want you to hug Them. 4. When Girls Say your Name In a Text Or When Talking,They Are serious. 5. When They put Their hands by There side They want you to hold it ♥♥

5 things boys should know about girls. 1. When Girls look at your Mouth they want to you Kiss Them. 2. When They say we`re fine, They`re really not. 3. When They say They`re cold They want you to hug Them. 4. When Girls Say your Name In a Text Or When Talking,They Are serious. 5. When They put Their hands by There side They want you to hold it ♥♥

The Girl you just called fat? She`s starved herself & lost 15kgs. The Boy you just called stupid? He has a learning disability & studies 4hrs a night. The Girl you just called ugly? She spends hours putting makeup on hoping people will like her. The Boy you just tripped? He is already abused enough at home. There`s more to people than you think. Like this if your against bullying.

The right way to kiss a girl ♥ Push her up against the wall ,Hold her hands up with yours Feel Her breathing pattern. Kiss her Like You always Meant it ♥

What is LOVE...?♥♥ Answer By Little Girl♥♥ When I went in classroom without wearing my tie.... He saw me and remove his tie and kept in his pocket.... So Both will get punishment.....♥♥♥

Boy: So, sex at my place? Girl: Yeah! Boy: OK, but I sleep in a bunk bed with my younger brother and he thinks we`re making sandwiches so this is the code. Cheese= Faster. Tomato= Harder. Girl: OK? ~Later~ Girl: CHEESE CHEESE TOMATO CHEESE! Brother: Stop making sandwiches! You`re getting mayo all over my bed! Like if you get it ;D

Advantages Of Being A Women: 1. We got off the Titanic first. 2. Taxis stop for us. 3. Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance. 4. We don`t look like a frog in a blender when we`re dancing. 5. We can hug our friends without wondering if she`s gay 6. We can hug our friends without wondering if we`re gay. 7. We don`t have to fart to amuse ourselves. 8. We can congratulate our team-mate without touching her butt. 9. We have the ability to dress ourselves. 10. We have enough sense to realize that the easiest way to get out of being lost is to ask for directions.

What is LOVE...?♥♥ Answer By Little Girl♥♥ When I went in classroom without wearing my tie.... He saw me and remove his tie and kept in his pocket.... So Both will get punishment.....♥♥♥

Parent: We need to talk..... You: *OMG they found out about the alcohol stash under my bed, OMG someone told them about last night, OMG they no I`m not a virgin, OMG they`ll know i didnt reaaly go to my friends house the other night, OMG if my sister told on me i swer... OMG i am so freeking dead!!!!!!!...* Parent: Stop leaving all the lights on. You: *phew!* :O

During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question: "Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom? " Michael said, "Just a minute I have to go pee." The teacher responded by saying, "That would be rude and impolite. What about you Sherman, how would you say it?" Sherman said, "I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I`ll be right back." "That`s better, but it`s still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table.. And you, little Edward, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?" "I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, who I hope to introduce you to after dinner."

I have to catch myself when my lips move to something I`m thinking really hard about, I turn to look at the person walking next to me when I walk past a mirror only to find that its my reflection, I make up the words to songs who`s lyrics I don`t know, I search fraηtically for things placed right in front of me, I continually type in a particular number/password, curse at my phone, then laugh at myself when I realize that I`ve been typing in the wrong sequence! and I`m laughing by myself while texting this coz it makes me think of all the other incredibly "human" things I do!

Truths about Crush: 1.You are always looking at him/her. 2.When he/she comes,you will blush 3.When you receive a message from him/her,you get excited . 4.You always visit his/her wall in FB. 5.You kept thinking of him/her while reading all this.. ♥

A girl dropped her pencil while sitting next to her bf... She glanced at his phone while he was texting a message that said "I love you"... The girl jumped up and called him every name she could think of and left the room... The message was to his mother! She didn`t listen and left him... He killed himself because she left him... She killed herself because he killed himself... Moral of the story: Don`t drop you pencil! :P

dad,how was i born? Welllll, son first your mother and i got together on facebook and set up a date via email. we met up at myspace and she agreed to download data from my pen drive, but right when i was about to transfer we realized that none of us had installed a firewall. it was too late to hit delete so nine months later a pop up window appeared saying you`ve got a male. ♥

I have to catch myself when my lips move to something I`m thinking really hard about, I turn to look at the person walking next to me when I walk past a mirror only to find that its my reflection, I make up the words to songs who`s lyrics I don`t know, I search fraηtically for things placed right in front of me, I continually type in a particular number/password, curse at my phone, then laugh at myself when I realize that I`ve been typing in the wrong sequence! aaaaand I`m laughing by myself while texting this coz it makes me think of all the other incredibly "human" things I do!

Types of boys you may meet: 1. The a*s-hole - This is a boy who is full of himself. 2. softies - The guys that are sensitive. 3. Gay best friends - This boy type is amazing. Like the softies, They know how you feel, always. 4. Playas - Another breed of as*hole. 5. Buddies - The kind of guy that is your best friend. 7. Losers - These guys are just weird. (But they can be super sweet) 8. Him - This boy is your special one. The one you get up everyday to get a glimpse at..

Today I bought a new bottle of shampoo. I looked on the back to see the directions and it said : "Why are you looking at the directions? It`s shampoo, just put it on your head.Gosh, your so stupid." Thank you shampoo. Thank you.

SEX is a sensation caused by temptation when a guy sticks his location in a girls destination to increase the population of the next generation do you get my explaination or do you need a demonstration?

****The First Time Someone Used The Middle Finger******* Person 1: I`m so mad right now, i could just, i could....GAH ****Sticks up middle finger***** Person 2: What`s that mean? Person 1: I don`t know, but it just feels right...

Two blondes fall down a pit. First Blonde: "It`s dark in here isn`t it..." Second Blonde: "I don`t know, I can`t see..."

At a sleepover : Friends : "Can I have a glass of water please?" "Yea sure, Come with me to the kitchen" Best friends : "Oi can i have sum water" "Move ur ass and get it yourself, u practically live here."

Dear V*giηa, I am requesting a pay due to the following reasons; 1. I do a lot of physical labour. 2. I work at great depths. 3. I plunge head first into everything that I do. 4. I work weekdays & nights, weekends and holidays. 5. I work in damp, dark and enclosed spaces. 6. My work makes me very prone to diseases. Regards, P*ηis. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Dear P*ηis, After long consideration, I am going to decline your request for a pay rise for the following reasons; 1. Your shifts only ever seem to be about 10 minutes long 2. You fall asleep after each shift. 3. You always have to be stimulated, you never seem to be self motivated. 4. You are unable to work overtime or double shifts. 5. You work place is always messy at the end of your shift. 6. You have been constantly been seen entering and exiting the work place with to small, suspicious looking bags. Regards, V*giηa

A blonde walks into a store. Blonde: Can I get that T.V. in the corner please? Shopkeeper: Sorry, I don`t serve blondes. The blonde goes and puts on a brunette wig. Blonde: Can I get that T.V. in the corner please? Shopkeeper: Sorry, I don`t serve blondes. Frustrated the blonde puts on a redhead wig. Blonde: Can I get that T.V. in the corner please? Shopkeeper: Sorry, I don`t serve blondes. Blonde: Damn it! How the hell`d you know I was a blonde! Shopkeeper: That`s not a T.V. in the corner it`s a microwave..

Dear young males and females, You are all stupid. F*ck C.O.D, f*ck sandwiches, f*ck make-up, f*ck stereotypical and sexist remarks. We`re human, we`re stupid and we like each other to be that way, otherwise we`d never get married or procreate. Women are not always in the kitchen or being whiney b*tches, men are not always on video games and being sexist douchebags. Get Over It. Sincerely, everyone older than 16.. ;)

*boy walks into classroom* Teacher: "why are your eyes so red?" Boy: "I have allergies" Teacher: "What are you allegic to?" Boy: "hehe....weeeeeed" .

A blonde is walking down the street with her blouse open and her right bre*st hanging out. A policeman approaches her and says, "Ma`am, are you aware that I could cite you for indecent exposure?" She says, "Why, officer?" "Because your bre*st is hanging out." She looks down and says, "OH MY GOODNESS! I left the baby on the bus again!"

What are the similarities of BAR & BRA 1. Both words have the same alphabets. 2. Both are drinking zones. 3. Both have restricted timing for opening & closing. 4. More importantly, Both makes Men crazy when open !!

REASONS TO HAVE A GUY BEST FRIEND; guys don`t start sh ι t for no apparent reason they won`t tell anyone your secrets they don`t pms and randomly act b ι tchy they don`t try to steal the guy you like they aren`t two-faced they stick up for you no matter what they`ll give you their sweatshirt they`ll carry you when you get hurt and they might even fall in love with you♥

When the boy hangs out with the girl 24/7, he starts to have a crush on her, but he doesnt tell her because it might ruin their friendship. the worst part is that she`d talk bout the guy tht she likes to him all the time, and the boy is always jealous and wished that the guy was him. when secretly, she is talking about him the whole time and is just waiting to see if he would pick up the hint. :/

*Mind F*ck* After reading this sentence, you are now aware that the the human brain does not inform you that the the word "the" has been repeated twice every time...

She`s moved on. and i feel sorry for you because she thought you were the most amazing boy ever. if she could have any guy in the world, she would have picked you above the others. she thought you were different. she was wrong. Now you`re just another guy to her.

6 of the worst pains in the world: 1) knocking your elbow or knee against a table or chair real hard. 2) burning your tongue on a hot drink. 3) stepping on a sharp rock or prickle. 4) paper cuts. 5) stubbing your toe 6) biting you tongue! like if you have experienced any of these excruciating pains before! ^ UM you sort of forgot getting kicked in the balls.. and childbirth... ^^You also forgot listening to “Friday” by Rebecca Black....

A mom was pregnant with triplets, one day somebody shot her in the stomache 3 times, 12 years later one of the kids say "mom mom i just pee`d out a bullet". the second kid says "mom mom i just puked up a bullet". the third kid say "mom mom" the mom says did you pee or puke out a bullet? the kid says "no i was jacking off and i shot the dog" .. o_O

5 DEADLY WORDS USED BY WOMAN 1. FINE - this is the word women use to end an argument when she knows she is RIGHT & YOU need to SHUT UP. 2. NOTHING - means SOMETHING & u need to be WORRIED. 3. GO AHEAD - this is a dare, not permission, do NOT do it. 4. WHATEVER - is a woman`s way of saying SCRєW YOU 5. THAT`S OK - she is thinking long & hard on HOW & WHEN you will pay for your mistake.

The best kinds of laughter: 1. Laughing so hard that your laugh becomes silent. 2. Laughing so hard that you feel a six pack coming on. 3. Laughing so hard that tears start coming out. :D :D

What is it when a man talks dirty to a woman? Sexual Harassment... What is it when a woman talks dirty to a man? $3.99 a minute...

“She`s moved on. and i feel sorry for you because she thought you were the most amazing boy ever. if she could have any guy in the world, she would have picked you above the others. she thought you were different. she was wrong. Now you`re just another guy to her.”

BOY on Bed --- Is This Your FIRST Time ??? Girl Replied CONFIDENTLY --- OFCOURSE IT IS ! but tell me WHY DO ALL YOU GUYS ALWAYS ASK THE SAME QUESTION???? like if you get it.

I will always remember the first time you kissed me, the first time you hugged me and first time you said you loved me. I ill never forget the first time i saw your beautiful face, saw your beautiful smile, or looked into those amazing eyes of yours. Your forever in my heart & on my mind.

Snow is like c0ck, its measured in inches, soft to the touch, cums when you least expect it, and nevergets as deep as you'd likeit. Driving in snow is likeF*cking a pu$sy, if you dont slow down & payattention you could slideinto the a$$hole infront.