Saturday, December 31, 2011
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Monday, December 26, 2011
Saturday, December 24, 2011
A 15 year old girl holds her 1 year old son, people call her a sl*t. But no one knew she was raped at 13; make fun of someone for being fat, but you don't know that person has a serious medical condition that causes her to be fat. Call the old guy ugly, but you don't know if he got a serious face injury after serving the country or saving a life. Stop stereotyping and think before you start talking trash of others.
See that pregnant teen over there? She was raped. See that guy doing his homework from last night? He convinced his friend out of suicide. See that man with the ugly scars? He fought for our country. See that guy who is sobbing? His mother is dying. See that show-off guy? He's standing up to bullies. See that fat woman? She has a health problem. Don't judge people. You don't know their life.
Friday, December 23, 2011
Thursday, December 22, 2011
Monday, December 19, 2011
♫ On the 12th Day of Christmas my Faceb0ok gave to me, ♪ 12 creeps I'm blocking, ♫ 11 friends just watching, ♪ 10 corny topics, ♫ 9 busted barbies, ♪ 8 friends complaining, ♫ 7 stalkers stalking, ♪ 6 party invites,… ♫ Fiiiiiiiiiiiiive Draaaaaaammmmaaa Queeeensssss, ♪ 4 game requests, ♫ 3 photo tags, ♪ 2 friends-a-pokin & a creep who won't stop inboxing meeee ♪...
Saturday, December 17, 2011
I have tattoos, so I'm a trouble maker. I have curves, so I'm fat. If I wear makeup, I'm fake. If I say what I think, I'm a b|tch. If I cry some times, I'm a drama queen. If I have guy friends, I'm a slut. If I stand up for myself, I'm mouthy. Seems like you can't do anything now a days without being labeled. So what, go ahead and label me, see if I give a crap. Re-post this if you're proud of who you are! :)
I'm the kind of girl That when I cry, I cry. When I fall for someone, I fall too hard. People tell me I'm too intense when it comes to emotions. I'll do anything to be around you. I don't always look perfect and sometimes I get insecure. And I may have flaws, But I'll love you better than anyone else ever could.
5 biggest lies told by TEENAGERS: 1. Seriously dude, I don't like anyone. 2. Everything's fine. 3. Can't, doing homework. 4. I have read and agreed to the terms and conditions. 5. I am sure that I am over 18 and understand that this website contains explicit content that is not suitable for minors...
A girl dropped her pencil while sitting next to her bf... She glanced at his phone while he was texting a message that said "I love you"... The girl jumped up and called him every name she could think of and left the room... The message was to his mother! She didn`t listen and left him... He killed himself because she left him... She killed herself because he killed himself... Moral of the story: Don`t drop you pencil! :P
Friday, December 16, 2011
Boys get mad easily, but usually do not show it. Girls get sad easily and can cry like crazy! ... . Boys care about the quantity of love!. Girls care about the quality of love ... . Boys can forget, but can not forgive. Girls can forgive, but can not forget! ... . Boys can never reject a girl’s add friend request But girls often reject it just to feel powerful!! . Boys prefer the phrase "Boys vs Girls" Girls INSIST on saying "Girls vs Boys" !!
Thursday, December 15, 2011
I might have erased your texts But I will never forget what you wrote . I might have unfriended you , But I will never forget your pictures . We might have stopped talking , But I will never forget your voice . We might have ignored each other , But I will never forget your face . We might have stopped hugging , But I will never forget how you smell . Anything we did , I will never forget . Like This if it actually happened to you..
Monday, December 12, 2011
Sunday, December 11, 2011
The Script taught me how to move on. Greenday taught me that government's gonna fail someday. Bruno Mars taught me to do anything for that one person I love Eminem taught me that life is hard but you can make it through Travis taught me to be generous Taylor Swift taught me not every girl is going to treat me right 30 Seconds to Mars taught me to speak whats on my mind Michael Jackson taught me to always love the people around me Music taught me to live...
A guy and a gal meet at a bar. They get along so well that they decide to go to the girl's place. A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and then washes his hands. He then takes of his trousers and washes his hands again. The girl has been watching him and says, "You must be a dentist." The guy, surprised, says "Yes....how did you figure that out?" "Easy," she replied, "you keep washing your hands." One thing led to another and they make love. After they are done, the girl says, "You must be a really good dentist." The guy, now with a boosted ego says, "Well yes, I'm a good dentist. How did you figure that out?" "I didn't feel a thing!"...
Girlfriend : "Last night I had a dream of you." Boyfriend (got excited): "What I was doing in your Dreams" Girlfriend replied : "We were traveling in bus, Suddenly the bus lost control and fell in the river. Everyone swam to save their life, but you were still swimming and searching for someone." Boyfriend (with luv): "I was searching for you, na ? ♥ " Girlfriend said: NO, You were shouting, .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. "Hell, where is bus conductor i have to take changes from him." :P :D
Saturday, December 10, 2011
How can you tell if you're making love to a teacher,a nurse or an airline stewardess? A teacher says we got to do this over and over again til we get it right. A nurse says hold still this won't hurt a bit. And a airline stewardness says put this over your mouth and nose and breathe normally. ...Lolzzz...
Friday, December 9, 2011
Most confusing questions...If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches? Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round? Why do you have to "put your two cents in," but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to? Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity? Why does a round pizza come in a square box? What disease did cured ham actually have? How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage? Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up about every two hours? If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing? What happens when the future has come and gone? Robert Half If you drink Pepsi at work in the Coke factory, will they fire you? Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV? Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground? How come we choose from just two people for president and fifty for Miss America? Why do doctors leave the room while you change?They're going to see you naked anyway. If a 911 operator has a heart attack, whom does he/she call? Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural? ....y...
Thursday, December 8, 2011
7 signs your falling in love* 7. You`ll read their txts over and over again 6. You`ll walk really really slow while youre with them 5. They becomes all you think about 4. You`ll get high just by their smell 3. You`ll realize that you`re always smiling, when you think about them 2. You`ll do anything for them 1. While reading this, there was one person on your mind the whole time ..
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
5 Things to do at Wal-Mart while your spouse/partner/parent is taking their sweet time: 1. Get 24 boxes of shoes and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking. 2. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals. 3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms. 4. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area. 5. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while; and, then, yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"
Saturday, November 26, 2011
One night a guy takes his girlfriend home. The guy starts feeling a little horny. With an air of confidence, he leans with his hand against the wall and, smiling, he says to her, "Darling, would you give me a kiss?" Horrified, she replies, "Are you mad? My parents will see us!" Him: "Oh come on! Who's gonna see us at this hour?" Her: "No, please. Can you imagine if we get caught? Him: "Oh come on! There's nobody around, they're all sleeping!" Her: "No way. It's just too risky!" Him: "Oh please, please, I love you so much?!?" Her: "No, no, and no. I love you too, but I just can't!" Him: "Oh yes you can. Please?" Her: "No, no. I just can't" Him: "I beg you..." Out of the blue, the light on the stairs goes on, and the girl's little sister shows up in her pajamas, hair disheveled, and in a sleepy voice she says, "Dad says to go ahead and give him a kiss. Otherwise I can do it. Or if need be, dad says he can come down himself and do it. But for God's sake tell him to take his hand off the intercom!"
A guy and a gal meet at a bar. They get along so well that they decide to go to the girl's place. A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and then washes his hands. He then takes of his trousers and washes his hands again. The girl has been watching him and says, "You must be a dentist." The guy, surprised, says "Yes....how did you figure that out?" "Easy," she replied, "you keep washing your hands." One thing led to another and they make love. After they are done, the girl says, "You must be a really good dentist." The guy, now with a boosted ego says, "Well yes, I'm a good dentist. How did you figure that out?" "I didn't feel a thing!"
Friday, November 25, 2011
Is it just me or do you? : 1. Feel like the grudge is in your closet. 2. Pretend you're not scared. But inside you're about to pee your pants. 3. To "study" you look at the study guides for like 2 seconds. 4. When you're in the pool you act like a proffesional swimmer. 5. You look at your phone every 2 seconds to see if anyone texted you. 6. In the shower you stay there and daydream until you're parents yell " Are you done?!
Thursday, November 24, 2011
Boys get mad easily, but usually do not show it. Girls get sad easily and can cry like crazy! ... . Boys care about the quantity of love!. Girls care about the quality of love ... . Boys can forget, but can not forgive. Girls can forgive, but can not forget! ... . Boys can never reject a girl’s add friend request But girls often reject it just to feel powerful!! . Boys prefer the phrase "Boys vs Girls" Girls INSIST on saying "Girls vs Boys" !!
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Monday, November 21, 2011
Sunday, November 20, 2011
Saturday, November 19, 2011
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
Monday, November 7, 2011
Sunday, November 6, 2011
Mum notices her sons bed has been made without her asking..Mum finds note on boys bed: Mum im sorry, i have left home. I know im only 15 but my girlfriend is pregante and im going to live with her, you were never supportive and that really hurts me. dont bother looking for me, u wont find me. im sorry it has to be like this, but i dont see any other way. P.S: MUM IM JOKING, I WAGGED SCHOOL TODAY AND I GOT BUSTED. IM AT AIDIANS. CALL ME WHEN U HAVE CALMED DOWN. xx
Saturday, November 5, 2011
The top 10 things messed up with the show Spongebob: 1.How is Pearl Mr.Crabs daughter?? 2.Why doesn`t Squidward wear pants?? 3.How do they flush the toilet under water? 4.How can they see plankton?? 5.How can Sandy communicate with fish?? 6.How is there a Goo lagoon under water??? 7.Why do they take showers??? 8.How come Gary meows?? 9.How did Sandy build her dome?? 10.How can there be boats under water? Like this if you ever asked yourself any of these questions :)
Thursday, November 3, 2011
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Justin Beiber has a girlfriend? So did John Elton, and he`s gay. Justin Beiber wrote a book? Yeah, i wrote one of those in First Year. Justin Beiber is a great singer? You havent heard my in the shower. Justin Beiber`s sexy? He`s 5"5, has an old man`s hair cut and there's only one white guy that can dress like a gangster, and that's Eminem. Justin Bieber has a movie? I made one of those for a duck in Media Studies once
Justin Beiber has a girlfriend? So did John Elton, and he`s gay. Justin Beiber wrote a book? Yeah, i wrote one of those in First Year. Justin Beiber is a great singer? You havent heard my in the shower. Justin Beiber`s sexy? He`s 5"5, has an old man`s hair cut and there's only one white guy that can dress like a gangster, and that's Eminem. Justin Bieber has a movie? I made one of those for a duck in Media Studies once
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Saturday, October 29, 2011
Friday, October 28, 2011
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Teacher: John, why are you so late ? John: I was throwing stones into the river. Teacher:Okaay, well take your seat. Teacher:Bob, why are you also late ? Bob: i was also throwing stones into the river. Teacher: gr, well, sit down. New Boy walks in ; Teacher: oh so you`re our new student. whats your name? and why are you all wet? New boy: My name is Stones. Teacher: oh.. LIKE IF YOU GET IT.
Girl: hi baby :* Boy: hii sweet heart...(sending failed) Girl: Are you there?? :( Boy: yes yes..I'm here...(sending failed) Girl: are you ignoring me or what?? :X Boy: honey I'm not..i m right here..(sending failed) Girl: Its over.. don't you ever talk to me again !! :@ Boy: Damn ! go to hell.. :@ (message send) :O :O :P
Monday, October 24, 2011
Sunday, October 23, 2011
Saturday, October 22, 2011
Girl at 5 years of age: Daddy, can i go to Maddy`s party? (: dad: sure, sweety. Girl at 13 years of age: Dad, can i go to the park with some friends? Dad: okay, but stay off the road, you hear me? Girl at 16 years of age: dad, can i please go to the movies with my boyfriend. Dad: I think i should come. Girl: .... -.-
As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I`m going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman." She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?" A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".
Friday, October 21, 2011
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Girl: Are you free..?? Lets hang out tonight.. Boy: I can`t.. I m hanging out with someone else.. Girl: Who..?? Boy: The most beautiful, special, amazing girl in the world? Girl: Oh...Gud bye !!! (5 minutes later the doorbell rings) Girl: Why are u here? Boy: I already told you, i was coming over.. :) :) ?
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
daughter : “ hey mum me and my boyfriend are just going to my room.” mum : “ ok dont do anything stupid” * mum hears her daughter screaming “BAABBY BAABBY BAABBYY OOHHHH” !! * * mum rushes up stairs * mum : “what are you doing !!?!??!!” daughter : “get out mum we are having s*x !!.” mum : “ohhh thank god, i thought you were listening to justin bieber.”
daughter : “ hey mum me and my boyfriend are just going to my room.” mum : “ ok dont do anything stupid” * mum hears her daughter screaming “BAABBY BAABBY BAABBYY OOHHHH” !! * * mum rushes up stairs * mum : “what are you doing !!?!??!!” daughter : “get out mum we are having s*x !!.” mum : “ohhh thank god, i thought you were listening to justin bieber.”
Sunday, October 16, 2011
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Monday, October 10, 2011
Sunday, October 9, 2011
Saturday, October 8, 2011
Husband : My love Why are you looking so much pink Wife: When your lovely words touch the bundle branches of the circulation system of my heart. It starts beating faster, because, increased output transmitted to adrenals which start secreting glucagon. To increase blood glucose level and combat this emergency, also increase pituitary output to increase blood estrogen level, caused by vasodilation and I LOOK PINK MORAL: Never marry a DOCTOR She`ll spoil your love :D :P
Husband always insisted on making love in the dark. After 20 years wife turns on the light, finds him holding a vibrat0r. She goes bal!stic, "You imp0tent ba$tard! How could you lie to me all these years?" Husband looks her straight in the eyes & calmly says, "I`ll explain the toy, you explain the kids.....
Husband always insisted on making love in the dark. After 20 years wife turns on the light, finds him holding a vibrat0r. She goes bal!stic, "You impotent ba$tard! How could you lie to me all these years?" Husband looks her straight in the eyes & calmly says, "I`ll explain the toy, you explain the kids.....
Friday, October 7, 2011
Fat guy saw advertisment "lose 5kg in a week" He cals & said i would like to join! Lady : Ok be ready tomorrow at 6am. Next morning He opens the door & finds a hot babe with shoes, underpants & shirt saying "If u catch me u can f*ck me!" & the girl starts running. Guy starts running but couldn't catch her. so during the whole week he tried to catch her bt couldn't & loses 5kg. He then asks for the 10 kg program. Next morning at 6 he opens the door & saw even hotter babe in bikini saying if u catch me u can f*ck me. He loses 10 kg dat week. so he thought this program is awesome! Lets try 25kg. but the lady said are you sure? Its really tough!! next day at 6 he opens the door expecting to see a nude babe. but finds a nude man saying "If i catch u i will f*ck u!!" that week he lost 30kg ;) :P
Sunday, October 2, 2011
A girl dropped her pencil while sitting next to her bf... She glanced at his phone while he was texting a message that said "I love you"... The girl jumped up and called him every name she could think of and left the room... The message was to his mother! She didn`t listen and left him... He killed himself because she left him... She killed herself because he killed himself... Moral of the story: Don`t drop you pencil! :P
I just had an argument with a girl I know. She was saying how that it`s unfair that if a guy f*cks a different girl every week, he`s a legend, but if a girl f*cks just two guys in a year, she`s a s | u t.So in response I told her that if a key opens lots of locks, then it`s a master key. But if a lock is opened by lots of keys, then it`s a sh|tty lock.That shut her up..
A mom was pregnant with triplets, one day somebody shot her in the stomache 3 times, 12 years later one of the kids say "mom mom i just pee`d out a bullet". the second kid says "mom mom i just puked up a bullet". the third kid say "mom mom" the mom says did you pee or puke out a bullet? the kid says "no i was jacking off and i shot the dog" .. o_O
A little kid walks into a city bus and sits right behind the driver and starts yelling, "If my dad was a bull and my mom a cow I`d be a little bull." The driver starts getting mad at the noisy kid, who continues with, "If my dad was an elephant and my mom a girl elephant I would be a little elephant." The kid goes on with several animals until the bus driver gets angry and yells at the kid, "What if your dad was gay and your mom was a prostitute?!" The kid smiles and says, "I would be a bus driver!" :P
A man is in a hotel lobby. As he runs to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman and as he does, his elbow hits her brea$t. They are both quite startled. The man turns to her and says, "Ma`am, if your heart is as soft as your brea$t, I know you`ll forgive me." She replies, "If your peni$ is as hard as your elbow, I`m in room 243."
Saturday, October 1, 2011
Friday, September 30, 2011
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Boy: So, s*x at my place? Girl: Yeah! Boy: OK, but I sleep in a bunk bed with my younger brother and he thinks we're making sandwiches so this is the code. Cheese= Faster. Tomato= Harder. Girl: OK? ~Later~ Girl: CHEESE CHEESE TOMATO CHEESE! Brother: Stop making sandwiches! You're getting mayo all over my bed! Like if you get it ;D
Boy: So, sex at my place? Girl: Yeah! Boy: OK, but I sleep in a bunk bed with my younger brother and he thinks we're making sandwiches so this is the code. Cheese= Faster. Tomato= Harder. Girl: OK? ~Later~ Girl: CHEESE CHEESE TOMATO CHEESE! Brother: Stop making sandwiches! You're getting mayo all over my bed! Like if you get it ;D
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Monday, September 26, 2011
my friend`s boyfriend broke up with her through Facebook. she sent me the chat convo. :) Chris: I don`t think it`s working out. I really just wanna be friends.. Kelly: Wow. Chris: ...? Kelly: I just thought you were different. Chris: I`m sorry. We can still be friends. Kelly: I don`t want to be friends. It would be too hard for me. Chris: So i guess this is goodbye? :/ Kelly: Yes. But before I log out, can i ask you one thing? Chris: yeah.. Kelly: Teach me how to jerk. Chris: haha, um i don`t know how. Kelly: Oh.. Well you certainly know how to act like one. :) (Kelly is offline) :) i love this.
Teacher: Why did you laugh? Boy: I saw 1 strip of your bra. Teacher: Get out of the class for one week. 2nd boy laughed. Teacher: Why did you laugh? Boy: I saw both strips. Teacher: Get out for 1 month. She bent down 2 take chalk. Little Johnny started walking out. Teacher: Johnny, why are you going out? Johnny: What I just saw, I think my school days are over..
Saturday, September 24, 2011
Friday, September 23, 2011
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Friday, September 16, 2011
Boy:Why do girls wanna kiss in the rain so much? I just dont get it.. Girl:Its the fact that your in the rain with someone you love. Your kissing them passionately not giving a care what anyone else thinks.. It`s knowing that the environment around you will not change for those precious moments your with them. Kissing in the rain is romantic and the perfect place where there are no interruptions and no anything. Just the the silent music of rain to your ears, Me and you.... Together. Boy: o_O
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Dad: I want u 2 marry a girl of my choice. Son: No Dad: The girl is Bill Gates` daughter. Son: Then ok Dad goes 2 Bill Gates Dad: I want ur daughter 2 marry my son. Bill Gates: No Dad: My son is d CEO of the World Bank. Bill Gates: Then ok Dad goes 2 the President of the World Bank.. Dad: Apoint my son as the CEO of ur bank. President:No! Dad: He is the son-in-law of Bill Gates. President:Then ok...!! This is BUSINESS.
Boy and girl just had sex. Girl: Ever met someone as hot as me in bed? ;p Boy: Uhmm...Yeah just the one. Girl: Ohh... :( Boy: Yeah she`s got the same hair colour. Girl: ... Boy: Same surname. Lives at this address. Looks a lot like you! Girl: Awwww...That's so sweet .... Boy: Yeah your mum`s awesome...
Little Johnny was sitting in Beginning S*x Ed class one day when the teacher drew a picture of a penιs on the board. "Does anyone know what this is?" She asked. Little Johnny raised his hand and said, "Sure, my daddy has two of them!" "Two of them?!" the teacher asked. "Yeah. He has a little one that he uses to pee with and a big one that he uses to brush mommy`s teeth!"
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
HOW MEN FLIRTS. He stares at you a lot. He starts random conversations. He calls you cute or pretty and it makes you smile. He always stays close when he can. He looks STRAIGHT in your eyes He listens to you and remembers the things you say. He will sometimes say something to remind you you've said it in the past. He takes pictures of you even though you say you hate it..
Monday, September 12, 2011
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Saturday, September 10, 2011
Friday, September 9, 2011
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Watching The Ring nowadays is almost silly. I mean, for one, videotapes are hardly threatening. And if some random girl called you and said, "Seven days," you'd probably think, "WTF? I need to take my number off Facebook." And even if you saw that chick climbing out of the TV, you'd be like, "Damn this 3D TV is getting insane."
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Monday, September 5, 2011
Sunday, September 4, 2011
Saturday, September 3, 2011
Friday, September 2, 2011
80 year old man: My 28 year old wife is pregnant, your opinion Doctor? Doctor: Let me tell you a story. A hunter in a hurry grabs an umbrella instead of the gun. He moves into the jungle, sees a lion, lifts the umbrella, pulls the handle and... BANG... The lion drops dead! Old man: Thats impossible; someone else must have shot the lion.... Doctor: MY POINT EXACTLY!
80 year old man: My 28 year old wife is pregnant, your opinion Doctor? Doctor: Let me tell you a story. A hunter in a hurry grabs an umbrella instead of the gun. He moves into the jungle, sees a lion, lifts the umbrella, pulls the handle and... BANG... The lion drops dead! Old man: Thats impossible; someone else must have shot the lion.... Doctor: MY POINT EXACTLY!
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
It`s gotten to the point Where I`m afraid to like anyone. I`m afraid they`re going to become a phone number I`m no longer texting. They`re going to become pictures I have to get rid of. They`re going to become someone my parents and my friends will ask about and I`ll have to say “we don`t talk anymore.” They`re going to become someone that walks by as if we never met.
Monday, August 29, 2011
Conversation with the guy I like: *I answer phone* Me: Hello? Him: Is this Lexy? Me: yes....? Him: Hey I just wanted to- Someone stole his phone and said Guy: Hey Lexy? Just wanna to tell you that.. He loves you. Bye. Who ever it was, hung up. 1 minute later, someone called back Him: Hey sorry, That was my friend....he's really crazy.... Me: Ohhh....that's okay. *heart sinks* Him: .....But i really do love you. Bye.
Conversation with the guy I like: *I answer phone* Me: Hello? Him: Is this Lexy? Me: yes....? Him: Hey I just wanted to- Someone stole his phone and said Guy: Hey Lexy? Just wanna to tell you that.. He loves you. Bye. Who ever it was, hung up. 1 minute later, someone called back Him: Hey sorry, That was my friend....he's really crazy.... Me: Ohhh....that's okay. *heart sinks* Him: .....But i really do love you. Bye.
Boy: Marry me.. ? Girl: Do you have a house.. ? Boy: No.. Girl: Do you have a BMW car.. ? Boy: No.. ...Girl: How much is your salary.. ? Boy: No salary.. but,.. Girl: No but. You have nothing.. How can i marry you.?? Leave please.!! Boy: (talk to himself) I have one villa, 3 property lands, 3 Ferrari, 2 Porsche.. Why I still need to buy BMW.?! How can I get the salary when actually I`m the BOSS..
Sunday, August 28, 2011
Saturday, August 27, 2011
My Mom left me a note that read "Im going away on the weekend with your father. I`ve left $50 somewhere in your room for food. If you clean your room you should be able to find it." Now I`ve got to decide whether to clean my room or starve over the weekend... I wish she would stop leaving me with decisions to make...
Friday, August 26, 2011
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
*After a Date* Boy: I`ve...had the time of my life. Girl: Me too. Boy: And I`ve never felt this way before. Girl: Me too! Boy: I swear, this is true... Girl: *Smiles* Boy: ...And I owe it all to you. *looks at girl* Girl: Aww! Your so sweet! I love yo- Boy: DIRTY BIT. *starts breakdancing really hard right there in the middle of the street* Girl: ..
Monday, August 22, 2011
Parent: We need to talk..... You: *OMG they found out about the alcohol stash under my bed, OMG someone told them about last night, OMG they no I`m not a virgin, OMG they`ll know i didnt reaaly go to my friends house the other night, OMG if my sister told on me i swer... OMG i am so freeking dead!!!!!!!...* Parent: Stop leaving all the lights on You: *phew!*
Sunday, August 21, 2011
Grade school vs. Middle school vs. High school. Grade school : "Mommy, can I sit at the grown - up table?" Middle school :"Ugh, I`m too old to sit at the damn kids table!" High school:"Hell yeah!! I get to sit at the kids table!" Grade school: " Yes! Coloring books!" Middle school :" WTF is this? 4th grade?!" High school:" OK, who the hell took my red crayon?!??!
Grade school vs. Middle school vs. High school. Grade school : "Mommy, can I sit at the grown - up table?" Middle school :"Ugh, I`m too old to sit at the damn kids table!" High school:"Hell yeah!! I get to sit at the kids table!" Grade school: " Yes! Coloring books!" Middle school :" WTF is this? 4th grade?!" High school:" OK, who the hell took my red crayon?!??!
Saturday, August 20, 2011
Hello everyone. Look at your status, now back to mine, now back to yours, now back to mine. Sadly, yours isn`t mine. But if you stopped posting about other things and made this your status, yours could be like mine. Look down, back up. Where are you? You`re on Facebook, reading the status your status could be like .. ;)
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Monday, August 15, 2011
Sunday, August 14, 2011
Today my boyfriend dumped me. he cheated on me, and the reason he actually dumped me is because i have straight brown hair. I wasn`t the right kind of beautiful through his eyes. So at lunch, I went up to him with an apple in my hand and said “You dumped me because I have straight brown hair, that`s like saying you wont eat this apple because its green. That`s stupid. You`re stupid” I threw the apple at him and walked away.
Saturday, August 13, 2011
A man receives a phone call from his doctor. The doctor says, "I have some good news and some bad news." The man says, "OK, give me the good news first." The doctor says, "The good news is, you have 24 hours to live." The man replies, "Oh no! If that`s the good news, then what`s the bad news?" The doctor says, "The bad news is, I forgot to call you yesterday."
Friday, August 12, 2011
A man was in a locker room, changing after playing golf. Suddenly, his phone rang. He put it on speaker for the rest of the guys to hear. "Hey hun!" A woman said. "Hey babe." The man said. "Oh my gosh, I just found this beautiful leather jacket... but it was 200 bucks... can I get it?" The man replied, "Of course baby! Anything for you." "Thanks! And by the way, I passed the dealership and saw the car we want, but its 20,000 dollars." "Oh, who cares! Get it with all the options and features!" The man replied. "Really! Oh, and lastly, the house we wanted is back on the market... the asking price is 750,000, and they expect it`ll go fast." She said. "Okay then offer 900,000- we`ll be sure to get it then!" "Ok! Great hun. I gotta go. I love you! Byee!" "Bye." He shut the phone. Every man in the locker room looked at him in disbelief. Then the man said.... "Does anyone know whose phone this is?"
A man was in a locker room, changing after playing golf. Suddenly, his phone rang. He put it on speaker for the rest of the guys to hear. "Hey hun!" A woman said. "Hey babe." The man said. "Oh my gosh, I just found this beautiful leather jacket... but it was 200 bucks... can I get it?" The man replied, "Of course baby! Anything for you." "Thanks! And by the way, I passed the dealership and saw the car we want, but its 20,000 dollars." "Oh, who cares! Get it with all the options and features!" The man replied. "Really! Oh, and lastly, the house we wanted is back on the market... the asking price is 750,000, and they expect it`ll go fast." She said. "Okay then offer 900,000- we`ll be sure to get it then!" "Ok! Great hun. I gotta go. I love you! Byee!" "Bye." He shut the phone. Every man in the locker room looked at him in disbelief. Then the man said.... "Does anyone know whose phone this is?"
A man was in a locker room, changing after playing golf. Suddenly, his phone rang. He put it on speaker for the rest of the guys to hear. "Hey hun!" A woman said. "Hey babe." The man said. "Oh my gosh, I just found this beautiful leather jacket... but it was 200 bucks... can I get it?" The man replied, "Of course baby! Anything for you." "Thanks! And by the way, I passed the dealership and saw the car we want, but its 20,000 dollars." "Oh, who cares! Get it with all the options and features!" The man replied. "Really! Oh, and lastly, the house we wanted is back on the market... the asking price is 750,000, and they expect it`ll go fast." She said. "Okay then offer 900,000- we`ll be sure to get it then!" "Ok! Great hun. I gotta go. I love you! Byee!" "Bye." He shut the phone. Every man in the locker room looked at him in disbelief. Then the man said.... "Does anyone know whose phone this is?"
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Boy and girl just had sex. Girl: Ever met someone as hot as me in bed? ;p Boy: Uhmm...Yeah just the one. Girl: Ohh... :( Boy: Yeah she`s got the same hair colour. Girl: ... Boy: Same surname. Lives at this address. Looks a lot like you! Girl: Awwww...That`s so sweet .... Boy: Yeah your mum`s awesome..
Like if any of these are a part of your Childhood: Lizzie McGuire | That`s So Raven | The Suite Life of Zack & Cody | Twitches | Phil Of the Future | Even Stevens | The Proud Family | Kim Possible | Lilo & Stitch | American Dragon: Jake Long | HAnnah Montana | The Replacements | Cory In the House | Sonny With A chance | Wizards of waverly Place | Hannah Montana | The Naked Brothers Band | Drake & Josh | Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide | Zoey 101 | The Powerpuff Girls | Samurai Jack Cheers To to the 90s Kids :)
Like if any of these are a part of your Childhood: Lizzie McGuire | That`s So Raven | The Suite Life of Zack & Cody | Twitches | Phil Of the Future | Even Stevens | The Proud Family | Kim Possible | Lilo & Stitch | American Dragon: Jake Long | HAnnah Montana | The Replacements | Cory In the House | Sonny With A chance | Wizards of waverly Place | Hannah Montana | The Naked Brothers Band | Drake & Josh | Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide | Zoey 101 | The Powerpuff Girls | Samurai Jack Cheers To to the 90s Kids :)
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Gf (to her bf) :What is Love ?? people talk so much about love but i don`t really know what it is ? Bf (replied) :when i get angry on you & you try to persuade me that feeling is love, when i don`t talk to you & you get worried about me that is called love, ..when you care for me whenever am sick or in pain, that is love, And finally when you get scared even from the thought of us being apart from each other, this scary feeling is called LOVE ♥
the boy & the girl were online chatting] boy: So..have you ever been in love? girl: of course, i mean love is so hard, you know boy: how is it hard? girl: well, when you love someone, sometimes they just don`t love you back. boy: is that what your feeling right now? girl: haha no [she lied] boy: ohh..well, i gotta go bye [he lied] girl: okay bye [the boy signed off, but he really didn`t sign off, he was offline, but the girl thought he really did sign off] girl: [she sighed & one tear went down on her face.. but then she typed]...i love you ♥.. boy: [then the boy typed] i love you, too ♥
Monday, August 8, 2011
Boy and girl just had sex. Girl: Ever met someone as hot as me in bed? ;p Boy: Uhmm...Yeah just the one. Girl: Ohh... :( Boy: Yeah she's got the same hair colour. Girl: ... Boy: Same surname. Lives at this address. Looks a lot like you! Girl: Awwww...That`s so sweet .... Boy: Yeah your mum's awesome.
Sunday, August 7, 2011
In an alcohol factory the regular taster died and the director started looking for a new one to hire. A drunkard with ragged, dirty look came to apply for the position. The director of the factory wondered how to send him away. They tested him. They gave him a glass with a drink. He tried it and said, "It`s red wine, a muscat, three years old, grown on a north slope, matured in steel containers." "That`s correct", said the boss. Another glass. "It`s red wine , cabernet, eight years old, a southwestern slope, oak barrels." "Correct." The director was astonished. He winked at his secretary to suggest something. She brought in a glass of urine. The alcoholic tried it. "It`s a blond, 26 years old, pregnant in the third month. And if you don`t give me the job, I`ll tell who`s the father!"
In an alcohol factory the regular taster died and the director started looking for a new one to hire. A drunkard with ragged, dirty look came to apply for the position. <br/>
The director of the factory wondered how to send him away.
They tested him. <br/>
They gave him a glass with a drink. He tried it and said, <br/>
"It`s red wine, a muscat, three years old, grown on a north slope, matured in steel containers." <br/>
"That`s correct", said the boss. <br/>
Another glass. <br/>
"It`s red wine , cabernet, eight years old, a southwestern slope, oak barrels." <br/>
"Correct." <br/>
The director was astonished. <br/>
He winked at his secretary to suggest something. <br/>
She brought in a glass of urine. The alcoholic tried it. <br/>
"It`s a blond, 26 years old, pregnant in the third month. <br/>
And if you don`t give me the job, I`ll tell who`s the father!"
Saturday, August 6, 2011
I have 5 fingers for a reason. my pinky; is for my best friend &the promises i`ll never break my ring finger; is for that special guy when the time is right my middle finger; is for my haters, to show them it`s my life not theirs my pointer finger; to pick who matters in my life &who never did &my thumb; to show the rest of the world that i`m gonna be okay.. :D
Friday, August 5, 2011
Thursday, August 4, 2011
(new version) Girl: I`m having heart surgry today. Boy: I know. Girl: I love you! Boy: I love you more, much more! After surgery, when the girl woke up, only her father is next to her bed. Girl: Where is he? Father: You don`t know who gave you the heart? Girl: What? (She starts crying) Father: I`m just kidding, he went to the toilet :D
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
I was thinking of you just a short while I missed your sweet kiss, and I loved your precious smile I was just thinking of you and your beautiful eyes Just looking into mine, They`ll tell no lies I was thinking of you when I felt my heart ache I wish I had your love, A love that will never break I was thinking of you holding on to me The way I felt, The way it could be I was thinking of you to tell you I`d try To give you pure love, Till`` the day that I die I was thinking of you letting me care Just to let you know, I`ll always be there.
I`m a liar because I won`t tell you everything. I`m stupid because sometimes I`m wrong. I`m ugly because sometimes my face isn`t perfect. I`m a pushover because I like making people happy. I`m a loser because I`m not friends with your group. I`m fake because I`m too nice. I`m weird because I`m not like you. I`m fat because I eat when I`m hungry. I`m clingy because I don`t like to be alone.Im sorry for being myself. actually, im not sorry at all ..
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Monday, August 1, 2011
A mom beat her kid for days. A week later the boy asks if he can go to a friend`s house and she says, "Sure but if you get stolen I ain't lookin' for you." So later the police pull up, they have the boy and a kidnapper and tell his mother, "He gave himself up to the kidnapper." And the mother asks why, the boy says, "Because you said if I get stolen you won't come looking for me." Click like if you are against child abuse.
Six answers given by a GIRL when she is proposed 1 No 2 I don`t have enough time for it 3 I have always seen u as a friend 4 I already have a boy friend ...5 We should concentrate on studies 6 You Don`t know enough about me yet? This Is Infatuation. Six answers given by a BOY when he is proposed 1 Yes 2 Yes 3 Yes 4 Yes 5 Yes 6 Yes This proves that guys are better humans than girls and they believe more in spreading love.. :p :D ;)
Sunday, July 31, 2011
A man`s name was Shutup. His dog`s name is Trouble. One day, Trouble went missing, so Shutup called the police and said "HELP! My dog went missing!" Cop- Alright, calm down. What`s your name?" "Shutup." "Excuse me? Tell me your name." "Shutup!" "Sir, I suggest you don`t speak to me in that tone. Now, whats your name?" "SHUTUP!!" "Sir, are you looking for trouble?" "YES!! YOU FOUND HIM!?"
Saturday, July 30, 2011
Friday, July 29, 2011
Girl: Are you free..?? Lets hang out tonight.. Boy: I can`t.. I m hanging out with someone else.. Girl: Who..?? Boy: The most beautiful, special, amazing girl in the world? Girl: Oh...Gud bye !!! (5 minutes later the doorbell rings) Girl: Why are u here? Boy: I already told you, i was coming over.. :) :) ?
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
A boy was teaching maths to a girl. Boy kissed Girl, again kissed her and said- this is called "addition" Girl kissed Boy and said- this is called "subtraction" Both of them kissed each other and said- this is called "multiplication" suddenly Girl`s Father came, he beaten boy and thrown him out of home and said- this is called .. .. "Division" :P
Monday, July 25, 2011
Sunday, July 24, 2011
One day,3 people found a genie lamp. They rub the genie and out comes the genie. The genie says" i will grant you each one wish, what will it be?". The 1st co-worker wished to be in the Bahamas with no care in the world. The 2nd co-worker wished to be the most beautiful tropical island in the world. Lastly, the boss wishes" I want them back by lunch." Moral: ALWAYS let the boss have the 1st say.
Saturday, July 23, 2011
A Girl Was Tired Of Her Bf`s Msgs Which Always Said- I Luv U, I Mis U.... One Nite She Received A Msg FroM HiM But Didn`t Read It, Insted She Slept.. ...Next Day She Got A Call FroM Her Bf`s MoM Who Said That Her Son Had A Car Accident & Died Last Night.. She Then Read The Msg In Which It Was Written, "Dear Please CoMe In Front Of Ur House, I Met With An Accident & Its My Last Wish To See U Plz!"
Friday, July 22, 2011
Thursday, July 21, 2011
My girlfriend invited me to her house, I found her sister alone in the house, she was very sexy, she whispered in my ear, "i have deep feelings for you, you want to make love\" , I turned around and walked to the front door to go to my car, I found my girlfriend standing there, she hugged me and said:"you`ve won my trust"... Moral of the story: always keep your condoms in the car.. :p
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
At age 4 success is not peeing your pants. At age 12 success is having friends. At age 16 success is having a driver license. At age 20 success is having sex. At age 35 success is having money. At age 50 success is having money. At age 60 success is having sex. At age 70 success is having a driver license. At age 75 success is having friends. At age 80 success is not peeing your pants.
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Monday, July 18, 2011
Sunday, July 17, 2011
I have tattoos, so I`m a trouble maker. I have curves, so I`m fat. If I wear makeup, I`m fake. If I say what I think, I`m a b!tch. If I cry some times, I`m a drama queen. If I have guy friends, I`m a s|ut. If I stand up for myself, I`m mouthy. Seems like you can`t do anything now a days without being labeled. So what, go ahead and label me, see if I give a crap. Like this if you`re proud of who you are! :)
Saturday, July 16, 2011
Me: Can I use the bathroom? Teacher: I don`t know, can you? Me: When I was using "can" I was using its secondary model form as a verbal modifier asking for permission, as opposed to expressing an ability. I thought since you were a teacher you`d know that. My bad. MAY I use the restroom? Teacher:...
Friday, July 15, 2011
Thursday, July 14, 2011
A man walks into a bar and stand next to an extremely hot woman. He stands their and continuously looks at his watch. The hot woman asks: "Is you date late or something?" The man replies: "No, I`m just amazed by my magic watch.." "What does you watch do so magical?" Asks the woman. The man replies: "Well it tells me anything I want to know..." The woman asks: "Well ask it something, what does it say?" The man says: "I already asked it a question, it says you`re not wearing any panties..." The woman replies: "Well your watch is wrong, I am wearing panties." The man replies: "Oh sorry, my watch is one hour fast..."
Heart Melting Story: A Woman was Admitted in Hospital as She was Suffering from Brain Tumor..:( His Son & Relatives were Around Her, She Died within a few Hours..:`( His Son Cried the whole Day & Became Ill. He Returnd Home the Next Day; & Wen He Opened His Moms Cupboard, He found some Tablets kept in a Letter,!! In the Letter it was Written: " TAKE THESE TABLETS DEAR; I know U Catch Cold Easily after Crying..[:`( :(
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Two butterflies were in love One day, they decided to play Hide n Seek During the play.....Girl Butterfly -A small game within us Boy Butterfly –OK Girl Butterfly - The one who sits in this flower tomorrow early in the morning. that one loves the other one more Boy Butterfly –OK Next morning, the Girl butterfly waits for the flower to open so that She can sit before the Boy butterfly does. Finally, the flower opened What did She see?. The Boy butterfly had died inside the flower He stayed there all night, so that early in the morning, as soon as he sees her, He can fly to her and tell him how much he loved her This is true LOVE..
Monday, July 11, 2011
I have tattoos, so I`m a trouble maker. I have curves, so I`m fat. If I wear makeup, I`m fake. If I say what I think, I`m a b|tch. If I cry some times, I`m a drama queen. If I have guy friends, I`m a slut. If I stand up for myself, I`m mouthy. Seems like you can`t do anything now a days without being labeled. So what, go ahead and label me, see if I give a crap. Like this if you`re proud of who you are! :)
Saturday, July 9, 2011
Is it just me or do you? : 1. Feel like the grudge is in your closet. 2. Pretend you`re not scared. But inside you`re about to pee your pants. 3. To "study" you look at the study guides for like 2 seconds. 4. When you`re in the pool you act like a proffesional swimmer. 5. You look at your phone every 2 seconds to see if anyone texted you. 6. In the shower you stay there and daydream until you`re parents yell " Are you done?
A 5 year old boy walks in on his dad naked boy says : "what this daddy ?" pointing to his penis. dad says : "thats my limo" boy walks in on his mam naked boy say : "whats that?" pointing to her tits then he points at her fanny and says whats this mam says "that my garage and front lights" boy walks in on his mam and dad having sex and says "mam turn on your front lights dads limo is stuck in your garage!!" Like if you get this .
Woman Buys A New Sim Card Puts It In Her Phone And Decides To Surprise Her ...Husband Who Is Seated On The Couch In The Living Room.. She Goes To The Kitchen, Calls Her Husband With The New Number: "Hello Darling" The Husband Responds In A Low Tone: "Let Me Call U Back Later Honey, The Dumb Lady Is In The Kitchen.. =P
Friday, July 8, 2011
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Monday, July 4, 2011
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."
*40 Year Old Man and A Blonde In A Supermarket* Man: "Sorry ive been staring and i think i know you..." Blonde: Yeah, i know you too, one of the kids i have is yours!" Man: "Are you that blonde stripper i saw at a bachelor party i? when you tied me with handcuffs, licked my d*ck and we ended up having wild sex on the kitchen table?" Blonde: "No, im your son`s teacher..."
There are four kinds of sex : HOUSE SEX - When you are newly married and have sex all over the house in every room. BEDROOM SEX - After you have been married for a while, you only have sex in the bedroom. HALL SEX - After you`ve been married for many, many years you just pass each other in the hall and say "FUCK YOU" COURTROOM SEX - When your wife and her lawyer fuck you in the divorce court in front of many people for every penny you`ve got.
Sunday, July 3, 2011
Saturday, July 2, 2011
Can you relate? -you sit in your towel after a shower because you`re to lazy to get dressed. -you and your bestfriend can say one word, and crack up. -you hate when one string of you`re hoodie is longer than the other. -you hate it when people think you like someone when you clearly don`t. -you hate it when your favorite song comes on, as you pull into the driveway. -you feel like if you turn on the lights, you will be safe from anything. -you push those little buttons on the lids of fast-food drinks. -you laugh until people get hurt, then stop when you realize it`s serious. -you hate it when parents get serious about something funny you tell them. -you hate when you tell a guy to shut up and they copy you in a higher voice. -you pretend to sleep when your parents come in. -you text the person next to you things that you can`t say out loud. -you hate when people in front of you walk really slow and you can`t get past them. -you`re always tired no matter how much sleep you get. -you stop the microwave before it hits 00:00 to avoid hearing the beeps. -you use the "sup" head nod. -you hate when you are mad at someone and they make you laugh. -you check the fridge every ten seconds to see if food magically appeared..
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Monday, June 27, 2011
A couple get a divorce and negotiate custody of their children in court. the wife claims "the children are mine. i carried them for nine months and spent hours in labor birthing them! he didnt do anything".. after this the judge asks for the husbands defense and he replies; "your honor, if you put a dollar in a coke machine and a soda pops out, does the soda belong to you or the machine?" This shut her up..!!
Friday, June 24, 2011
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Like if you have done any of these... - accidently called your teacher Mum/Dad. - made Barbie and Ken have sex. - climbed a tree and been unable to get back down without help. - made a promise you couldn`t keep. - laughed at a really inappropriate moment. - bought an item of clothing that you`ve never worn. - accidently called your teacher Mum/Dad. - lied to someone so they don`t get hurt. - been in love..
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Monday, June 20, 2011
twelve signs your falling in love, 1. you`ll read his/her texts over and over again. 2. you`ll walk really really slow while you`re with him/her. 3. you`ll pretend to be shy whenever you`re with him/her. 4. while thinking about him/her your heart will beat faster and faster. 5. by listening to his/her voice you`ll smile for no reason. 6. while looking at him/her you cant see the other people around you, you can only see him/her. 7. you`ll start listening to SLOW songs. 8. he/she becomes all you think about. 9. you`ll get high just by their smell. 10. you`ll realize that; you`re always smiling to yourself; when you think about him/her. 11. you`ll do anything for him/her 12. while reading this/her, there was one person on your mind the whole time..
That guy that . . . 1. Makes you fall asleep thinking about him 2. Makes you smile like crazy 3. Makes you feel beautiful 4. Would rather you act yourself than someone you aren`t 5. Makes you laugh even when no one else can`t 6. Makes you smile when he sings songs in class 7. Says he doesn`t like you, but you think he really does like you 8. Will text you first 9. Likes the same things as you 10. You`re going to miss this summer Don`t you just love him?? Like if you just thought of him .
Sunday, June 19, 2011
Saturday, June 18, 2011
100 Friends - Thats ok. 200 Friends - Eh, Your getting there. 300 Friends - Good amount. 400 Friends - Sorta popular. 500 Friends - Your well known. 600 Friends - Your a sl*t. 700 Friends - Big sl*t. 800 Friends - You dont even know half of them. 900 Friends - Nerd. 1000 Friends - Facebook is your life.
Friday, June 17, 2011
A man had a terrible road accident. His wife was called to the hospital. The Surgeon said his brain is permanently damaged there is nothing we can do. However we can put a new donor brain in if you are willing to pay. She said what would it cost? He said well it depned what you choose. We have a Policeman brain for £500. An accountants brain for £1000. Or we have a McDonald managers brain for £2000!! She said why does the Mc Donald Managers brain cost so much? The Surgeon said ` Well its like new, never been used!!!
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
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Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Teacher: Okay so a+n*g-r=78, is everyone okay with that? Pupil 1: Miss i dont get it can you come and explain it please Teacher: Okay *takes half an hour explaining it*, so do u understand it now Pupil 1: Yes thanks Pupil 2 to Pupil 1: Do u get it now? Pupil 1 to Pupil 2: No.... :/ Pupil 2 to Pupil 1: Me niether.... :/ Like if this has ever happened to you :L
my friend`s boyfriend broke up with her through Facebook. she sent me the chat convo. :) Chris: I don`t think it`s working out. I really just wanna be friends.. Kelly: Wow. Chris: ...? Kelly: I just thought you were different. Chris: I`m sorry. We can still be friends. Kelly: I don`t want to be friends. It would be too hard for me. Chris: So i guess this is goodbye? :/ Kelly: Yes. But before I log out, can i ask you one thing? Chris: yeah.. Kelly: Teach me how to jerk. Chris: haha, um i don`t know how. Kelly: Oh.. Well you certainly know how to act like one. :) (Kelly is offline) :) i love this.
Greatest Advice Ever; Your only a teenager. you`re not married yet so go with the flow, laugh tons use manners and try something new. Will you just kiss him already? Trust your feelings spend your cash, introduce yourself, take a chance, study hard, seek happiness and regret nothing. Don`t laugh at people`s dreams, make a wish on 11:11, challenge yourself, take pictures and appreciate the memories. You should take time to dance in your underwear and learn from the past. Play dress up. Have the time of your life
things boys should know about girls. 1. When Girls look at your Mouth they want to you Kiss Them. 2. When They say we`re fine, They`re really not. 3. When They say They`re cold They want you to hug Them. 4. When Girls Say your Name In a Text Or When Talking,They Are serious. 5. When They put Their hands by There side They want you to hold it ♥♥
5 things boys should know about girls. 1. When Girls look at your Mouth they want to you Kiss Them. 2. When They say we`re fine, They`re really not. 3. When They say They`re cold They want you to hug Them. 4. When Girls Say your Name In a Text Or When Talking,They Are serious. 5. When They put Their hands by There side They want you to hold it ♥♥
The Girl you just called fat? She`s starved herself & lost 15kgs. The Boy you just called stupid? He has a learning disability & studies 4hrs a night. The Girl you just called ugly? She spends hours putting makeup on hoping people will like her. The Boy you just tripped? He is already abused enough at home. There`s more to people than you think. Like this if your against bullying.
Monday, June 13, 2011
Boy: So, sex at my place? Girl: Yeah! Boy: OK, but I sleep in a bunk bed with my younger brother and he thinks we`re making sandwiches so this is the code. Cheese= Faster. Tomato= Harder. Girl: OK? ~Later~ Girl: CHEESE CHEESE TOMATO CHEESE! Brother: Stop making sandwiches! You`re getting mayo all over my bed! Like if you get it ;D
Advantages Of Being A Women: 1. We got off the Titanic first. 2. Taxis stop for us. 3. Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance. 4. We don`t look like a frog in a blender when we`re dancing. 5. We can hug our friends without wondering if she`s gay 6. We can hug our friends without wondering if we`re gay. 7. We don`t have to fart to amuse ourselves. 8. We can congratulate our team-mate without touching her butt. 9. We have the ability to dress ourselves. 10. We have enough sense to realize that the easiest way to get out of being lost is to ask for directions.
Sunday, June 12, 2011
Parent: We need to talk..... You: *OMG they found out about the alcohol stash under my bed, OMG someone told them about last night, OMG they no I`m not a virgin, OMG they`ll know i didnt reaaly go to my friends house the other night, OMG if my sister told on me i swer... OMG i am so freeking dead!!!!!!!...* Parent: Stop leaving all the lights on. You: *phew!* :O
Friday, June 10, 2011
During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question: "Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom? " Michael said, "Just a minute I have to go pee." The teacher responded by saying, "That would be rude and impolite. What about you Sherman, how would you say it?" Sherman said, "I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I`ll be right back." "That`s better, but it`s still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table.. And you, little Edward, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?" "I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, who I hope to introduce you to after dinner."
I have to catch myself when my lips move to something I`m thinking really hard about, I turn to look at the person walking next to me when I walk past a mirror only to find that its my reflection, I make up the words to songs who`s lyrics I don`t know, I search fraηtically for things placed right in front of me, I continually type in a particular number/password, curse at my phone, then laugh at myself when I realize that I`ve been typing in the wrong sequence! and I`m laughing by myself while texting this coz it makes me think of all the other incredibly "human" things I do!
Thursday, June 9, 2011
A girl dropped her pencil while sitting next to her bf... She glanced at his phone while he was texting a message that said "I love you"... The girl jumped up and called him every name she could think of and left the room... The message was to his mother! She didn`t listen and left him... He killed himself because she left him... She killed herself because he killed himself... Moral of the story: Don`t drop you pencil! :P
dad,how was i born? Welllll, son first your mother and i got together on facebook and set up a date via email. we met up at myspace and she agreed to download data from my pen drive, but right when i was about to transfer we realized that none of us had installed a firewall. it was too late to hit delete so nine months later a pop up window appeared saying you`ve got a male. ♥
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
I have to catch myself when my lips move to something I`m thinking really hard about, I turn to look at the person walking next to me when I walk past a mirror only to find that its my reflection, I make up the words to songs who`s lyrics I don`t know, I search fraηtically for things placed right in front of me, I continually type in a particular number/password, curse at my phone, then laugh at myself when I realize that I`ve been typing in the wrong sequence! aaaaand I`m laughing by myself while texting this coz it makes me think of all the other incredibly "human" things I do!
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Types of boys you may meet: 1. The a*s-hole - This is a boy who is full of himself. 2. softies - The guys that are sensitive. 3. Gay best friends - This boy type is amazing. Like the softies, They know how you feel, always. 4. Playas - Another breed of as*hole. 5. Buddies - The kind of guy that is your best friend. 7. Losers - These guys are just weird. (But they can be super sweet) 8. Him - This boy is your special one. The one you get up everyday to get a glimpse at..
Monday, June 6, 2011
Dear V*giηa, I am requesting a pay due to the following reasons; 1. I do a lot of physical labour. 2. I work at great depths. 3. I plunge head first into everything that I do. 4. I work weekdays & nights, weekends and holidays. 5. I work in damp, dark and enclosed spaces. 6. My work makes me very prone to diseases. Regards, P*ηis. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Dear P*ηis, After long consideration, I am going to decline your request for a pay rise for the following reasons; 1. Your shifts only ever seem to be about 10 minutes long 2. You fall asleep after each shift. 3. You always have to be stimulated, you never seem to be self motivated. 4. You are unable to work overtime or double shifts. 5. You work place is always messy at the end of your shift. 6. You have been constantly been seen entering and exiting the work place with to small, suspicious looking bags. Regards, V*giηa
Saturday, June 4, 2011
A blonde walks into a store. Blonde: Can I get that T.V. in the corner please? Shopkeeper: Sorry, I don`t serve blondes. The blonde goes and puts on a brunette wig. Blonde: Can I get that T.V. in the corner please? Shopkeeper: Sorry, I don`t serve blondes. Frustrated the blonde puts on a redhead wig. Blonde: Can I get that T.V. in the corner please? Shopkeeper: Sorry, I don`t serve blondes. Blonde: Damn it! How the hell`d you know I was a blonde! Shopkeeper: That`s not a T.V. in the corner it`s a microwave..
Dear young males and females, You are all stupid. F*ck C.O.D, f*ck sandwiches, f*ck make-up, f*ck stereotypical and sexist remarks. We`re human, we`re stupid and we like each other to be that way, otherwise we`d never get married or procreate. Women are not always in the kitchen or being whiney b*tches, men are not always on video games and being sexist douchebags. Get Over It. Sincerely, everyone older than 16.. ;)
A blonde is walking down the street with her blouse open and her right bre*st hanging out. A policeman approaches her and says, "Ma`am, are you aware that I could cite you for indecent exposure?" She says, "Why, officer?" "Because your bre*st is hanging out." She looks down and says, "OH MY GOODNESS! I left the baby on the bus again!"
REASONS TO HAVE A GUY BEST FRIEND; guys don`t start sh ι t for no apparent reason they won`t tell anyone your secrets they don`t pms and randomly act b ι tchy they don`t try to steal the guy you like they aren`t two-faced they stick up for you no matter what they`ll give you their sweatshirt they`ll carry you when you get hurt and they might even fall in love with you♥
When the boy hangs out with the girl 24/7, he starts to have a crush on her, but he doesnt tell her because it might ruin their friendship. the worst part is that she`d talk bout the guy tht she likes to him all the time, and the boy is always jealous and wished that the guy was him. when secretly, she is talking about him the whole time and is just waiting to see if he would pick up the hint. :/
Friday, June 3, 2011
6 of the worst pains in the world: 1) knocking your elbow or knee against a table or chair real hard. 2) burning your tongue on a hot drink. 3) stepping on a sharp rock or prickle. 4) paper cuts. 5) stubbing your toe 6) biting you tongue! like if you have experienced any of these excruciating pains before! ^ UM you sort of forgot getting kicked in the balls.. and childbirth... ^^You also forgot listening to “Friday” by Rebecca Black....
A mom was pregnant with triplets, one day somebody shot her in the stomache 3 times, 12 years later one of the kids say "mom mom i just pee`d out a bullet". the second kid says "mom mom i just puked up a bullet". the third kid say "mom mom" the mom says did you pee or puke out a bullet? the kid says "no i was jacking off and i shot the dog" .. o_O
5 DEADLY WORDS USED BY WOMAN 1. FINE - this is the word women use to end an argument when she knows she is RIGHT & YOU need to SHUT UP. 2. NOTHING - means SOMETHING & u need to be WORRIED. 3. GO AHEAD - this is a dare, not permission, do NOT do it. 4. WHATEVER - is a woman`s way of saying SCRєW YOU 5. THAT`S OK - she is thinking long & hard on HOW & WHEN you will pay for your mistake.
Thursday, June 2, 2011
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