Sunday, July 31, 2011
A man`s name was Shutup. His dog`s name is Trouble. One day, Trouble went missing, so Shutup called the police and said "HELP! My dog went missing!" Cop- Alright, calm down. What`s your name?" "Shutup." "Excuse me? Tell me your name." "Shutup!" "Sir, I suggest you don`t speak to me in that tone. Now, whats your name?" "SHUTUP!!" "Sir, are you looking for trouble?" "YES!! YOU FOUND HIM!?"
Saturday, July 30, 2011
Friday, July 29, 2011
Girl: Are you free..?? Lets hang out tonight.. Boy: I can`t.. I m hanging out with someone else.. Girl: Who..?? Boy: The most beautiful, special, amazing girl in the world? Girl: Oh...Gud bye !!! (5 minutes later the doorbell rings) Girl: Why are u here? Boy: I already told you, i was coming over.. :) :) ?
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
A boy was teaching maths to a girl. Boy kissed Girl, again kissed her and said- this is called "addition" Girl kissed Boy and said- this is called "subtraction" Both of them kissed each other and said- this is called "multiplication" suddenly Girl`s Father came, he beaten boy and thrown him out of home and said- this is called .. .. "Division" :P
Monday, July 25, 2011
Sunday, July 24, 2011
One day,3 people found a genie lamp. They rub the genie and out comes the genie. The genie says" i will grant you each one wish, what will it be?". The 1st co-worker wished to be in the Bahamas with no care in the world. The 2nd co-worker wished to be the most beautiful tropical island in the world. Lastly, the boss wishes" I want them back by lunch." Moral: ALWAYS let the boss have the 1st say.
Saturday, July 23, 2011
A Girl Was Tired Of Her Bf`s Msgs Which Always Said- I Luv U, I Mis U.... One Nite She Received A Msg FroM HiM But Didn`t Read It, Insted She Slept.. ...Next Day She Got A Call FroM Her Bf`s MoM Who Said That Her Son Had A Car Accident & Died Last Night.. She Then Read The Msg In Which It Was Written, "Dear Please CoMe In Front Of Ur House, I Met With An Accident & Its My Last Wish To See U Plz!"
Friday, July 22, 2011
Thursday, July 21, 2011
My girlfriend invited me to her house, I found her sister alone in the house, she was very sexy, she whispered in my ear, "i have deep feelings for you, you want to make love\" , I turned around and walked to the front door to go to my car, I found my girlfriend standing there, she hugged me and said:"you`ve won my trust"... Moral of the story: always keep your condoms in the car.. :p
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
At age 4 success is not peeing your pants. At age 12 success is having friends. At age 16 success is having a driver license. At age 20 success is having sex. At age 35 success is having money. At age 50 success is having money. At age 60 success is having sex. At age 70 success is having a driver license. At age 75 success is having friends. At age 80 success is not peeing your pants.
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Monday, July 18, 2011
Sunday, July 17, 2011
I have tattoos, so I`m a trouble maker. I have curves, so I`m fat. If I wear makeup, I`m fake. If I say what I think, I`m a b!tch. If I cry some times, I`m a drama queen. If I have guy friends, I`m a s|ut. If I stand up for myself, I`m mouthy. Seems like you can`t do anything now a days without being labeled. So what, go ahead and label me, see if I give a crap. Like this if you`re proud of who you are! :)
Saturday, July 16, 2011
Me: Can I use the bathroom? Teacher: I don`t know, can you? Me: When I was using "can" I was using its secondary model form as a verbal modifier asking for permission, as opposed to expressing an ability. I thought since you were a teacher you`d know that. My bad. MAY I use the restroom? Teacher:...
Friday, July 15, 2011
Thursday, July 14, 2011
A man walks into a bar and stand next to an extremely hot woman. He stands their and continuously looks at his watch. The hot woman asks: "Is you date late or something?" The man replies: "No, I`m just amazed by my magic watch.." "What does you watch do so magical?" Asks the woman. The man replies: "Well it tells me anything I want to know..." The woman asks: "Well ask it something, what does it say?" The man says: "I already asked it a question, it says you`re not wearing any panties..." The woman replies: "Well your watch is wrong, I am wearing panties." The man replies: "Oh sorry, my watch is one hour fast..."
Heart Melting Story: A Woman was Admitted in Hospital as She was Suffering from Brain Tumor..:( His Son & Relatives were Around Her, She Died within a few Hours..:`( His Son Cried the whole Day & Became Ill. He Returnd Home the Next Day; & Wen He Opened His Moms Cupboard, He found some Tablets kept in a Letter,!! In the Letter it was Written: " TAKE THESE TABLETS DEAR; I know U Catch Cold Easily after Crying..[:`( :(
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Two butterflies were in love One day, they decided to play Hide n Seek During the play.....Girl Butterfly -A small game within us Boy Butterfly –OK Girl Butterfly - The one who sits in this flower tomorrow early in the morning. that one loves the other one more Boy Butterfly –OK Next morning, the Girl butterfly waits for the flower to open so that She can sit before the Boy butterfly does. Finally, the flower opened What did She see?. The Boy butterfly had died inside the flower He stayed there all night, so that early in the morning, as soon as he sees her, He can fly to her and tell him how much he loved her This is true LOVE..
Monday, July 11, 2011
I have tattoos, so I`m a trouble maker. I have curves, so I`m fat. If I wear makeup, I`m fake. If I say what I think, I`m a b|tch. If I cry some times, I`m a drama queen. If I have guy friends, I`m a slut. If I stand up for myself, I`m mouthy. Seems like you can`t do anything now a days without being labeled. So what, go ahead and label me, see if I give a crap. Like this if you`re proud of who you are! :)
Saturday, July 9, 2011
Is it just me or do you? : 1. Feel like the grudge is in your closet. 2. Pretend you`re not scared. But inside you`re about to pee your pants. 3. To "study" you look at the study guides for like 2 seconds. 4. When you`re in the pool you act like a proffesional swimmer. 5. You look at your phone every 2 seconds to see if anyone texted you. 6. In the shower you stay there and daydream until you`re parents yell " Are you done?
A 5 year old boy walks in on his dad naked boy says : "what this daddy ?" pointing to his penis. dad says : "thats my limo" boy walks in on his mam naked boy say : "whats that?" pointing to her tits then he points at her fanny and says whats this mam says "that my garage and front lights" boy walks in on his mam and dad having sex and says "mam turn on your front lights dads limo is stuck in your garage!!" Like if you get this .
Woman Buys A New Sim Card Puts It In Her Phone And Decides To Surprise Her ...Husband Who Is Seated On The Couch In The Living Room.. She Goes To The Kitchen, Calls Her Husband With The New Number: "Hello Darling" The Husband Responds In A Low Tone: "Let Me Call U Back Later Honey, The Dumb Lady Is In The Kitchen.. =P
Friday, July 8, 2011
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Monday, July 4, 2011
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."
*40 Year Old Man and A Blonde In A Supermarket* Man: "Sorry ive been staring and i think i know you..." Blonde: Yeah, i know you too, one of the kids i have is yours!" Man: "Are you that blonde stripper i saw at a bachelor party i? when you tied me with handcuffs, licked my d*ck and we ended up having wild sex on the kitchen table?" Blonde: "No, im your son`s teacher..."
There are four kinds of sex : HOUSE SEX - When you are newly married and have sex all over the house in every room. BEDROOM SEX - After you have been married for a while, you only have sex in the bedroom. HALL SEX - After you`ve been married for many, many years you just pass each other in the hall and say "FUCK YOU" COURTROOM SEX - When your wife and her lawyer fuck you in the divorce court in front of many people for every penny you`ve got.
Sunday, July 3, 2011
Saturday, July 2, 2011
Can you relate? -you sit in your towel after a shower because you`re to lazy to get dressed. -you and your bestfriend can say one word, and crack up. -you hate when one string of you`re hoodie is longer than the other. -you hate it when people think you like someone when you clearly don`t. -you hate it when your favorite song comes on, as you pull into the driveway. -you feel like if you turn on the lights, you will be safe from anything. -you push those little buttons on the lids of fast-food drinks. -you laugh until people get hurt, then stop when you realize it`s serious. -you hate it when parents get serious about something funny you tell them. -you hate when you tell a guy to shut up and they copy you in a higher voice. -you pretend to sleep when your parents come in. -you text the person next to you things that you can`t say out loud. -you hate when people in front of you walk really slow and you can`t get past them. -you`re always tired no matter how much sleep you get. -you stop the microwave before it hits 00:00 to avoid hearing the beeps. -you use the "sup" head nod. -you hate when you are mad at someone and they make you laugh. -you check the fridge every ten seconds to see if food magically appeared..
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