Brunette: HIDE! THERES A SERIAL K1LLER ON THE LOOSE!!! Blonde: OH NO!!!! *runs to kitchen* Brunette: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?? Blonde: HIDING MY FRUIT LOOPS! WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE IM DOING! LIKE if you get it! :)

Boy: So, s*x at my place? Girl: Yeah! Boy: OK, but I sleep in a bunk bed with my younger brother and he thinks we're making sandwiches so this is the code. Cheese= Faster. Tomato= Harder. Girl: OK? ~Later~ Girl: CHEESE CHEESE TOMATO CHEESE! Brother: Stop making sandwiches! You're getting mayo all over my bed! Like if you get it ;D

Boy: So, sex at my place? Girl: Yeah! Boy: OK, but I sleep in a bunk bed with my younger brother and he thinks we're making sandwiches so this is the code. Cheese= Faster. Tomato= Harder. Girl: OK? ~Later~ Girl: CHEESE CHEESE TOMATO CHEESE! Brother: Stop making sandwiches! You're getting mayo all over my bed! Like if you get it ;D

During hot, passionate s*x with my girlfriend, the famous, heroic words were moaned... "You make me feel like a woman.." I dont know why i said it, it just felt right.

"I was on the phone with my boyfriend. I told him, "I hope I`m the only girl you could ever love." He says to me, "You won`t be the only girl I will ever love. When we have a daughter, I`m going to love her too."♥

Mom: Have you heard that Bruno Mars song talking about grenades? Daughter: Yeah, why you ask? Mom: Someone needs to tell Bruno she`s not worth it. If someone is throwing grenades at this girl, she`s obviously involved with some messed up people.

Girl posts a picture of herself wearing a low top and her bra is showing through* *All of her friends comment, "Pretty!"* Why is that? Hun, that`s not called being pretty. It`s called being a whore.

Girl posts a picture of herself wearing a low top and her bra is showing through* *All of her friends comment, "Pretty!"* Why is that? Hun, that`s not called being pretty. It`s called being a whore.

my friend`s boyfriend broke up with her through Facebook. she sent me the chat convo. :) Chris: I don`t think it`s working out. I really just wanna be friends.. Kelly: Wow. Chris: ...? Kelly: I just thought you were different. Chris: I`m sorry. We can still be friends. Kelly: I don`t want to be friends. It would be too hard for me. Chris: So i guess this is goodbye? :/ Kelly: Yes. But before I log out, can i ask you one thing? Chris: yeah.. Kelly: Teach me how to jerk. Chris: haha, um i don`t know how. Kelly: Oh.. Well you certainly know how to act like one. :) (Kelly is offline) :) i love this.

Teacher: Why did you laugh? Boy: I saw 1 strip of your bra. Teacher: Get out of the class for one week. 2nd boy laughed. Teacher: Why did you laugh? Boy: I saw both strips. Teacher: Get out for 1 month. She bent down 2 take chalk. Little Johnny started walking out. Teacher: Johnny, why are you going out? Johnny: What I just saw, I think my school days are over..

Son kills butterfly- Dad says'' no butter 4 two weeks- son kills honey bed- Dad says '' no honey 4 two weeks. Mom kills cockroach.... Son says'' Dad will u tell her or should I?"

Dear Boys, If you want me to disappear, you are going to have to support her more than what I do... Sincerely, Her Bra

Guy: I`m jealous of your pillow. Girl: Why? Guy: because It sleeps next to you every night, it wipes away your tears, you hug it alot, and it gets to see you all the time.

Girl: Heyy :) BOY: hey GIRL: I like you :) BOY: wow. GIRL: What?? you don't like me???? BOY: no. GIRL: You don't like me :'( BOY: well you never asked if i love you :) GIRL: well do you?! BOY: Lol no. LmAO =))

Son: Dad, what is an idiot? Dad: An idiot is a person who tries to explain his ideas in such a strange and long way that another person who is listening to him can`t understand him. Do you understand me? Son: No.

Why BRA sizes are measurd as A,B,C,D,E,F not 1,2,3,4,5? because... A=As flat as Airport runway B=Barely Seen C=Comfortable D=Damn Gud E=Enormous F=Fake.

Boy: Damn I`m so s*xy. (**Looking in Mirror**) Dad: Son, what are you doing? Boy: Dad how does it feel to have such a wonderful and good looking son? Dad: I don`t know to be honest, you should ask your Grandfather...

girl walks in* Girl:mom! Danny showed me his pen*s in school today! Mom:WHAT?!? Girl:*laughs* its like a peanut Mom:Really? it was that small?? Girl:NO! It was salty Mom:*faints*. LMFAOOO :)

A man and a woman started to have s*x in the middle of a dark forest. After 15 minutes, the man finally gets up and says "Damn, I wish I had brought my flash light..." The woman replies: "Me too, you`ve been eating grass for the past ten minutes!"

Boy:Why do girls wanna kiss in the rain so much? I just dont get it.. Girl:Its the fact that your in the rain with someone you love. Your kissing them passionately not giving a care what anyone else thinks.. It`s knowing that the environment around you will not change for those precious moments your with them. Kissing in the rain is romantic and the perfect place where there are no interruptions and no anything. Just the the silent music of rain to your ears, Me and you.... Together. Boy: o_O

Dad: I want u 2 marry a girl of my choice. Son: No Dad: The girl is Bill Gates` daughter. Son: Then ok Dad goes 2 Bill Gates Dad: I want ur daughter 2 marry my son. Bill Gates: No Dad: My son is d CEO of the World Bank. Bill Gates: Then ok Dad goes 2 the President of the World Bank.. Dad: Apoint my son as the CEO of ur bank. President:No! Dad: He is the son-in-law of Bill Gates. President:Then ok...!! This is BUSINESS.

Boy and girl just had sex. Girl: Ever met someone as hot as me in bed? ;p Boy: Uhmm...Yeah just the one. Girl: Ohh... :( Boy: Yeah she`s got the same hair colour. Girl: ... Boy: Same surname. Lives at this address. Looks a lot like you! Girl: Awwww...That's so sweet .... Boy: Yeah your mum`s awesome...

girl : how will you feel, if i hug my male friend ?? boy : i wil be very very happy !! :) girl : shockingly !! :O why ?? boy : because that will make you sure, that what you feel in my arms you cant feel it anywhere else !!

A 5 Year Old Girl Asked.... The Boy Who Sits Next To Her "WHAT IS LOVE" ... ... He Replied " Love Is When You Steal Chocolates Everyday From My Bag..And Yet I Still Keep Them In The Same Place "♥ :D :)

‎(Sister walks in2 room crying) Brother- What happened?? Sister- My BF just dumped me... Brother- Why???? Sister- Because I accidentally stepped on his "Black Ops" disk . (Brother grabs his black ops disk and guards it) Brother- PLEASE TELL ME UR JOKING!!!

Teacher:what is the answer to question 2 ? Student: Umm Kid behind him (whispers): 56 Student: 56 Teacher: (suprised) well done thats right Student: thanks Teacher: could you explain how you worked it out to the class please. Student: Umm.................

Teacher: What do u wish to do in future? Tom: I want to be a Doctor... Paul: I want to be a Lawyer.. Sarah: I want to be a Mother... John: I want to help Sarah to be a"Mother"... :D :))

Little Johnny was sitting in Beginning S*x Ed class one day when the teacher drew a picture of a penιs on the board. "Does anyone know what this is?" She asked. Little Johnny raised his hand and said, "Sure, my daddy has two of them!" "Two of them?!" the teacher asked. "Yeah. He has a little one that he uses to pee with and a big one that he uses to brush mommy`s teeth!"

“Boy says to girl : would you wear socks if you had no feet..? Girl: no.....!! Boy: then why do you wear a bra?”

Tips to impress a girl: sit with her at lunch, give her your sweat shirt, spend time with her, make her feel good, put your arm round her, kiss her, make her laugh, and don`t go out with her unless you truley like her and not using her.

HOW MEN FLIRTS. He stares at you a lot. He starts random conversations. He calls you cute or pretty and it makes you smile. He always stays close when he can. He looks STRAIGHT in your eyes He listens to you and remembers the things you say. He will sometimes say something to remind you you've said it in the past. He takes pictures of you even though you say you hate it..

A Chat between a girl and a guy at 1:00AM Guy:"You`re beautiful" Girl:"No I`m not" Guy:"Yes you are" Girl:"Stop lying" Guy:"Not lying,you are beautiful" Girl:"Well I`m not" Guy:"I can stay here all night telling you, so just admit it" Girl:"Okay,thank you.Goodnight"

A Chat between a girl and a guy at 1:00AM Guy:"You`re beautiful" Girl:"No I`m not" Guy:"Yes you are" Girl:"Stop lying" Guy:"Not lying,you are beautiful" Girl:"Well I`m not" Guy:"I can stay here all night telling you, so just admit it" Girl:"Okay,thank you.Goodnight"

A Chat between a girl and a guy at 1:00AM Guy:"You`re beautiful" Girl:"No I`m not" Guy:"Yes you are" Girl:"Stop lying" Guy:"Not lying,you are beautiful" Girl:"Well I`m not" Guy:"I can stay here all night telling you, so just admit it" Girl:"Okay,thank you.Goodnight"

Son: Dad, my math teacher yelled at me today! Dad: Why?! Son: My teacher asked me what is 3 x 2, and I answered 6. Dad: That`s right! Son: Then he asked me what is 2 x 3 Dad: WTH is the difference? Son: That`s what I said...

Girl: What if a boy hugs me? Mom: Say Don`t Girl: What if he kisses me? Mom: Say stop. The next day when the girl goes to school her boyfriend hugs and kisses her well so she says as her mother told her to do and she quickly said DON`T STOP!!!!!.....

Girl: I can be naughty Boy:How naughty?? Girl: Reall Naughy Boy: Show me :) Girl: **Snaps the boys black ops disk** Boy:....

gf: Hey! bf: I need to speak to you... gf: Oh what about? bf: I don`t want to be your boyfriend anymore... gf: What?! *becomes upset* bf: I want to be your husband *Pulls out a box and proposes* gf: .. ♥

Kid: Mum, can i wear a mini-skirt today? Mum: No Kid: Can i wear lipstick? Mum: No Kid: Can i wear high heels? Mum: No! Kid: But Mum im 17 years old! Mum: I know Justin, i know

Been chatting to a 14 yr old on the internet. She is funny, s*xy and flirty.. Now she tells me she is an undercover cop. How cool is that at her age!!

When a Man Talks DIRTY to a Women its sexual harassment BUT when a Women talks DIRTY to a Man its 2.50 per minute.. ;)

A p*nis has a sad life. His hair is a mess, his family is nuts, his neighbour is an a**hole, his bestfriend is a p*ssy and his owner beats him!..

Bf: Can i touch your hair? Gf: No, my daddy said you cant touch my hair. Bf: can i touch your bellybutton then? Gf: sure, my daddy never said anything about it. Bf: okay. *few seconds later* Gf: that's not my bellybutton. Bf: thats not my finger.

Boy: Will you go out with me? Girl: Omg, YES! Girl: Can you please take me home? Boy: Why, you didn`t change your mind, did you? Girl, No, I just wanna change my relationship status to In a Relationship on Facebook. Boy: o.O

Watching The Ring nowadays is almost silly. I mean, for one, videotapes are hardly threatening. And if some random girl called you and said, "Seven days," you'd probably think, "WTF? I need to take my number off Facebook." And even if you saw that chick climbing out of the TV, you'd be like, "Damn this 3D TV is getting insane."

Girl: "Describe a hot girl." Boy: "Blonde hair, huge b00bs,brown eyes." Girl: "Then i think I`m not a hot girl." Boy: "You never said to describe a perfect girl."

Wife: Hi, did you eat? Me: Did you eat? Wife: Are you copying me? Me: Are you copying me? Wife: I love you! Me: Yes, I already ate.

Age 13 Boy: Can I kiss you? Girl: No my dads watching. Age 16 Boy: Can I kiss you now? Girl: Just a peck on the cheek. Age 18 Boy: Your an adult now!Can I ki....* Girl kisses him*

Girl: I`m going to kill you. Boy: Why? Girl: You`ve invaded my privacy. Boy: How so? Girl: You`re in my thoughts, my dreams, my hopes, even my diary. You tiptoe into my mind all the time. Boy: So, you kind of love me, huh?

A woman walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist if he sells size extra large condoms. He replies, "Yes we do. Would you like to buy some?" She responds, "No, but do you mind if I wait around here until someone does?

I ordered a pizza the other day, when she said the order back to me she said, "So, you have one thick sausage, anything else?" I looked her dead in the eye and replied, "Yes, I also ordered a pizza."

A Facebook Chat between An EX couple Girl : Hey Boy : Hey =) Girl : How are you ? *Boy types : I`m Miserable ! I need you Back ! I Miss you ! I LOVE YOU ! ! ! * Then Erased it.. Boy : I'm Fine..

A Facebook Chat between An EX couple Girl : Hey Boy : Hey =) Girl : How are you ? *Boy types : I'm Miserable ! I need you Back ! I Miss you ! I LOVE YOU ! ! ! * Then Erased it.. Boy : I'm Fine..

A Facebook Chat between An EX couple Girl : Hey Boy : Hey =) Girl : How are you ? *Boy types : I'm Miserable ! I need you Back ! I Miss you ! I LOVE YOU ! ! ! * Then Erased it.. Boy : I'm Fine..

I was talking with my friend the other day when he said "You know, I`m sick of all the times people use “your mum” as a comeback. It`s old, cheap, and overused." I said: "So`s your mum."

*GIRLS* Hair: 30min-2hrs. Makeup: 5-20mins. Outfit: 10min-3hrs. *BOYS* Hair: 0-5mins. Makeup: I hope not. Outfit: 1-10mins. -- And who looks better at the end of it all? girls.

80 year old man: My 28 year old wife is pregnant, your opinion Doctor? Doctor: Let me tell you a story. A hunter in a hurry grabs an umbrella instead of the gun. He moves into the jungle, sees a lion, lifts the umbrella, pulls the handle and... BANG... The lion drops dead! Old man: Thats impossible; someone else must have shot the lion.... Doctor: MY POINT EXACTLY!

80 year old man: My 28 year old wife is pregnant, your opinion Doctor? Doctor: Let me tell you a story. A hunter in a hurry grabs an umbrella instead of the gun. He moves into the jungle, sees a lion, lifts the umbrella, pulls the handle and... BANG... The lion drops dead! Old man: Thats impossible; someone else must have shot the lion.... Doctor: MY POINT EXACTLY!

Gf: im so fat and ugly Bf: what did you just say? Gf: im fat and ugly Bf walks away.... Gf goes up to him later and says what did i do wrong? Bf: you lied about the most beautifull thing i see everyday