Sunday, October 30, 2011
Saturday, October 29, 2011
Friday, October 28, 2011
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Teacher: John, why are you so late ? John: I was throwing stones into the river. Teacher:Okaay, well take your seat. Teacher:Bob, why are you also late ? Bob: i was also throwing stones into the river. Teacher: gr, well, sit down. New Boy walks in ; Teacher: oh so you`re our new student. whats your name? and why are you all wet? New boy: My name is Stones. Teacher: oh.. LIKE IF YOU GET IT.
Girl: hi baby :* Boy: hii sweet heart...(sending failed) Girl: Are you there?? :( Boy: yes yes..I'm here...(sending failed) Girl: are you ignoring me or what?? :X Boy: honey I'm not..i m right here..(sending failed) Girl: Its over.. don't you ever talk to me again !! :@ Boy: Damn ! go to hell.. :@ (message send) :O :O :P
Monday, October 24, 2011
Sunday, October 23, 2011
Saturday, October 22, 2011
Girl at 5 years of age: Daddy, can i go to Maddy`s party? (: dad: sure, sweety. Girl at 13 years of age: Dad, can i go to the park with some friends? Dad: okay, but stay off the road, you hear me? Girl at 16 years of age: dad, can i please go to the movies with my boyfriend. Dad: I think i should come. Girl: .... -.-
As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I`m going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman." She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?" A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".
Friday, October 21, 2011
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Girl: Are you free..?? Lets hang out tonight.. Boy: I can`t.. I m hanging out with someone else.. Girl: Who..?? Boy: The most beautiful, special, amazing girl in the world? Girl: Oh...Gud bye !!! (5 minutes later the doorbell rings) Girl: Why are u here? Boy: I already told you, i was coming over.. :) :) ?
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
daughter : “ hey mum me and my boyfriend are just going to my room.” mum : “ ok dont do anything stupid” * mum hears her daughter screaming “BAABBY BAABBY BAABBYY OOHHHH” !! * * mum rushes up stairs * mum : “what are you doing !!?!??!!” daughter : “get out mum we are having s*x !!.” mum : “ohhh thank god, i thought you were listening to justin bieber.”
daughter : “ hey mum me and my boyfriend are just going to my room.” mum : “ ok dont do anything stupid” * mum hears her daughter screaming “BAABBY BAABBY BAABBYY OOHHHH” !! * * mum rushes up stairs * mum : “what are you doing !!?!??!!” daughter : “get out mum we are having s*x !!.” mum : “ohhh thank god, i thought you were listening to justin bieber.”
Sunday, October 16, 2011
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Monday, October 10, 2011
Sunday, October 9, 2011
Saturday, October 8, 2011
Husband : My love Why are you looking so much pink Wife: When your lovely words touch the bundle branches of the circulation system of my heart. It starts beating faster, because, increased output transmitted to adrenals which start secreting glucagon. To increase blood glucose level and combat this emergency, also increase pituitary output to increase blood estrogen level, caused by vasodilation and I LOOK PINK MORAL: Never marry a DOCTOR She`ll spoil your love :D :P
Husband always insisted on making love in the dark. After 20 years wife turns on the light, finds him holding a vibrat0r. She goes bal!stic, "You imp0tent ba$tard! How could you lie to me all these years?" Husband looks her straight in the eyes & calmly says, "I`ll explain the toy, you explain the kids.....
Husband always insisted on making love in the dark. After 20 years wife turns on the light, finds him holding a vibrat0r. She goes bal!stic, "You impotent ba$tard! How could you lie to me all these years?" Husband looks her straight in the eyes & calmly says, "I`ll explain the toy, you explain the kids.....
Friday, October 7, 2011
Fat guy saw advertisment "lose 5kg in a week" He cals & said i would like to join! Lady : Ok be ready tomorrow at 6am. Next morning He opens the door & finds a hot babe with shoes, underpants & shirt saying "If u catch me u can f*ck me!" & the girl starts running. Guy starts running but couldn't catch her. so during the whole week he tried to catch her bt couldn't & loses 5kg. He then asks for the 10 kg program. Next morning at 6 he opens the door & saw even hotter babe in bikini saying if u catch me u can f*ck me. He loses 10 kg dat week. so he thought this program is awesome! Lets try 25kg. but the lady said are you sure? Its really tough!! next day at 6 he opens the door expecting to see a nude babe. but finds a nude man saying "If i catch u i will f*ck u!!" that week he lost 30kg ;) :P
Sunday, October 2, 2011
A girl dropped her pencil while sitting next to her bf... She glanced at his phone while he was texting a message that said "I love you"... The girl jumped up and called him every name she could think of and left the room... The message was to his mother! She didn`t listen and left him... He killed himself because she left him... She killed herself because he killed himself... Moral of the story: Don`t drop you pencil! :P
I just had an argument with a girl I know. She was saying how that it`s unfair that if a guy f*cks a different girl every week, he`s a legend, but if a girl f*cks just two guys in a year, she`s a s | u t.So in response I told her that if a key opens lots of locks, then it`s a master key. But if a lock is opened by lots of keys, then it`s a sh|tty lock.That shut her up..
A mom was pregnant with triplets, one day somebody shot her in the stomache 3 times, 12 years later one of the kids say "mom mom i just pee`d out a bullet". the second kid says "mom mom i just puked up a bullet". the third kid say "mom mom" the mom says did you pee or puke out a bullet? the kid says "no i was jacking off and i shot the dog" .. o_O
A little kid walks into a city bus and sits right behind the driver and starts yelling, "If my dad was a bull and my mom a cow I`d be a little bull." The driver starts getting mad at the noisy kid, who continues with, "If my dad was an elephant and my mom a girl elephant I would be a little elephant." The kid goes on with several animals until the bus driver gets angry and yells at the kid, "What if your dad was gay and your mom was a prostitute?!" The kid smiles and says, "I would be a bus driver!" :P
A man is in a hotel lobby. As he runs to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman and as he does, his elbow hits her brea$t. They are both quite startled. The man turns to her and says, "Ma`am, if your heart is as soft as your brea$t, I know you`ll forgive me." She replies, "If your peni$ is as hard as your elbow, I`m in room 243."
Saturday, October 1, 2011
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