A blonde was withdrawing money from the ATM machine. The blonde behind her: HAHA I saw your pin number, it`s four stars! First blonde (the one withdrawing the money): HAHA you're wrong, it`s 1566!

-Do you speak English? -Yes -Name? -Adolf Bumin. -Sex? -3 to 5 times a week. -No, I mean..male/female? -Yes, male,female and sometimes camels. -Holy cow! -Yes, cows, sheep...Animals in general. -Oh dear, -No, deers, they run too fast..

*Music plays* Girl 1:Omg you look so pretty in that outfit! Girl 2: Awh! Thanks you look pretty too! Now lets change it up a bit Guy 1: Dude you look so Hawt! *Music stops* Guy 2: Dude... Are you gay? *Awkward Silence*

I ordered a pizza the other day, when she said the order back to me she said, "So, you have one thick sausage, anything else?" I looked her dead in the eye and replied, "Yes, I also ordered a pizza."

I do what I want, where I want, when I want, with who I want, for as long as I want, where ever I want....... But as long as my mommy says it's OK first...

I do what I want, where I want, when I want, with who I want, for as long as I want, where ever I want....... But as long as my mommy says it's OK first...

I do what I want, where I want, when I want, with who I want, for as long as I want, where ever I want....... But as long as my mommy says it's OK first...

Edward: "I could kill you in seconds. So shutup." Jacob: "What are you gonna do exactly? Edward: Sparkle me to death?!"

It was my favourite game when I was younger, but i could never understand one thing about it... Ok Mario, so you can smash through bricks with your head, but you died as soon as you touched a turtle.... WTF!?

It was my favourite game when I was younger, but i could never understand one thing about it... Ok Mario, so you can smash through bricks with your head, but you died as soon as you touched a turtle.... WTF!?

When you're in class and you purposely break the tip of your pencil just so you can walk past your friend, to get to the bin and for those few moments while you're not doing any work, you feel more superior...

J.K. Rowling, I was fine when you said that Harry`s parents were dead. Fine, when you killed Sirius. Okay, when you killed Hedwig and Mad-Eye. A little mad when you killed Dumbledore. BUT YOU CROSSED THE LINE BY KILLING DOBBY!!!!!!!!!!”

Before s*x, you help each other get naked, after s*x you only dress yourself. Moral of the story: in life no one helps you once you're fu*cked

Dear Mom and Dad, Please don`t freak out if I don`t answer my phone the first time. The chances of the battery being dead are much greater than the chances that I`ve been abducted and murdered by a serial killer. Sincerely, 35 missed calls..