Math teacher:if i gave you a $1 and you asked your mom for a $1, how much money will you have? student:$1 math teacher:YOU DONT KNOW MATH! student:YOU DONT KNOW MY MOTHER!

Boy: "Hey baby, want to come over tonite?" Girl: "Sure! What do you want to do?" Boy: "I`ll give you a hint. It involves pillows and blankets ;)" Girl: "OH MY GOD! WE`RE GONNA BUILD A FORT!?" Boy:...........

Why do girls eat chocolate and guys drink beer right after breaking up? Because the sweetness of chocolate makes girls forget the bitterness of breaking up while the bitterness of beer makes guys forget the sweetness of the girls. ,, :(

There are 3 meanings behind `Liking` someone`s status. 1) I agree. 2) I realize this is about me so Im liking it to rub in your face 3) I want to bang you :)

Girl: I`m jealous. WHEN others girls r looking at u Boy: Don`t be jealous, baby.. ......Girl: Why? Boy: `Cause you have something that they don`t have. Girl: What? Boy: My heart ♥ ♥

If VODKA was water and i was a DUCK id swim to the bottom and never come up.. but VODKA`s not water and I`m Not a duck so pass me a bottle and shut the f*ck up..

Like if -you`ve ever Ate all of your popcorn before the movie started -Spent an entire day in your pajamas- Accidently called your friend by the wrong name..- Laughed for 5-10minutes straight..- Couldn`t find your phone when it`s in your hand or- Felt like a ninja when you walk through the house at night..!!

Boy: Want to hear a joke about my cock? Actually never mind, its to long. Girl: Want to hear a joke about my vagina? Actually never mind, you wont get it :)

Crazy kissing facts -65% of people tilt their heads to the right when kissing instead of the left -men who kiss their wives in the morning live five years longer than those who don`t -some theorize that when you kiss a person with the same hair color as yourself, the result is a more passionate kiss. -on average a human will spend up to 2 weeks kissing in his/her lifetime. -our brains have special neurons that help us find each others lips in the dark

it takes 7 seconds for food to pass from mouth to stomach. a human hair can hold 3kg. the length of a pen¡s is 3 times the length of the thumb. the femur is as hard as concrete. a woman`s heart beats faster then a man`s. women blink 2x as much as men. we use 300 muscles just to keep our balance when we stand. the woman has read this entire text. the man is still looking at his thumb... like if this made you smile..

Like if whenever you walk in to the doctors and they ask you whats wrong, you immediately turn to your mum and she explains:)

That awkward moment when you are yelling at someone & and you mess up a word..

I love how me and my best friend can look at each other, remember an inside joke and crack up.. then people look at us like we are crazy.. :P