Yes... I`m a human. I push doors that clearly say PULL I laugh harder when I try to explain why I`m laughing. I walk into a room and [forget] why I was there I count on my fingers in math class I try to accomplish things with time still on the microwave I wish for Love every 11:11, [I][Lie][Sometimes] to hide the pain I say its a long story when it`s really not I fall in love too hard too fast all. ;)

Truths about Crush: 1.You are always looking at him/her. 2.When he/she comes,you will blush 3.When you receive a message from him/her,you get excited . 4.You always visit his/her wall in FB. 5.You kept thinking of him/her while reading all this.. ♥

i`m one of those people that laughs at a joke 3 TIMES: -ONCE when it`s told to me -ONCE when it`s explained to me and -ONCE 5 minutes later when i finally understand it..

How come when your wife`s pregnant, all her female friends rub her tummy & say congratulations! But nobody rubs your balls and says good job! !! :P

One day I will hit you so hard, even GOOGLE won`t be able to find you...

Does anyone else do this during class: 1. peel your nail polish off 2. search your hair for split ends 3. check the clock every 5 seconds 4. draw hearts on your paper 5. draw smiley faces on your hand 6. secretly eat because your starving I hope I`m not the only one..

Teacher: Did you do your homework..?? Student: Did you grade my tests..?? Teacher: I have other student"s tests to grade.. Student: I have other teacher"s homework to do :P

Boy : Want to hear a joke? Girl : Sure. Boy : Knock knock. Girl : Who`s there? Boy : Marry. Girl : Marry who? Boy : Marry me. Girl: Omg! Yes! Boy: What? Girl: you asked me to marry you... Boy: Didnt i tell you it was a joke? Girl: Oh...

To avoid condom related accidents, use 2 condoms with chilli powder in between them. If the outer one breaks, she will know & if the inner one breaks, you will know! Like if you get it

7 signs your falling in love* 7. You`ll read their txts over and over again 6. You`ll walk really really slow while youre with them 5. They becomes all you think about 4. You`ll get high just by their smell 3. You`ll realize that you`re always smiling, when you think about them 2. You`ll do anything for them 1. While reading this, there was one person on your mind the whole time

When I was Ten yrs Old RUBBER meant Eraser.. ASS meant Donkey.. PUSSY meant Cat.. COCK meant Rooster.. GAY meant Happy... STRAIGHT meant Linear.. SCREW meant a Fastener... MAKING OUT meant Logical Deduction.. LAYING meant Setting Aside.... What a way... The English language has Changed...!

Teacher: What do u wish to do in future? Tom: I want to be a Doctor... Paul: I want to be a Lawyer.. Sarah: I want to be a Mother... John: I want to help Sarah to be a"Mother"... :D :))

Math teacher:if i gave you a $1 and you asked your mom for a $1, how much money will you have? student:$1 math teacher:YOU DONT KNOW MATH! student:YOU DONT KNOW MY MOTHER!

Boy: "Hey baby, want to come over tonite?" Girl: "Sure! What do you want to do?" Boy: "I`ll give you a hint. It involves pillows and blankets ;)" Girl: "OH MY GOD! WE`RE GONNA BUILD A FORT!?" Boy:...........

Why do girls eat chocolate and guys drink beer right after breaking up? Because the sweetness of chocolate makes girls forget the bitterness of breaking up while the bitterness of beer makes guys forget the sweetness of the girls. ,, :(

There are 3 meanings behind `Liking` someone`s status. 1) I agree. 2) I realize this is about me so Im liking it to rub in your face 3) I want to bang you :)

Girl: I`m jealous. WHEN others girls r looking at u Boy: Don`t be jealous, baby.. ......Girl: Why? Boy: `Cause you have something that they don`t have. Girl: What? Boy: My heart ♥ ♥

If VODKA was water and i was a DUCK id swim to the bottom and never come up.. but VODKA`s not water and I`m Not a duck so pass me a bottle and shut the f*ck up..

Like if -you`ve ever Ate all of your popcorn before the movie started -Spent an entire day in your pajamas- Accidently called your friend by the wrong name..- Laughed for 5-10minutes straight..- Couldn`t find your phone when it`s in your hand or- Felt like a ninja when you walk through the house at night..!!

Boy: Want to hear a joke about my cock? Actually never mind, its to long. Girl: Want to hear a joke about my vagina? Actually never mind, you wont get it :)